Crash Into Me
by AnnieXMuller
Summary: Castle and Beckett. Post-Always. The Hamptons, and beyond. Tumblr Anon prompt that ended up with more substance than I originally planned. Chap 17: Post-5.03, some 5.04 promo spoilers. Chapter 18: fetish tape.
1. Chapter 1

**This was a Tumblr prompt. An Anon (who are you, Anon?) requested post-Always kinky smut set in the Hamptons. What kind of kills me a little about this, is I had planned to write plotless smut. I really had. But a plot kinda snuck up on me, and once it took hold I couldn't shake it. It's not awe-inspiring, and it's barely more than blink-and-you'll-miss-it, but there is a **_**little**_** substance to this story. I also struggled to write kinky smut, because one person's normal is another's kink. And I didn't want to take it too far, and cross a line. So some of you will be meh-ing, while others are gonna wanna try some new things out this week... **

* * *

**Crash into Me**

_You come crash into me, _

_and I come into you._

* * *

Her mother's case had almost torn them apart countless times, so neither had expected it would be the catalyst finally bringing them together. Neither expected to be tumbling naked onto his bed one evening, after he had pushed her out of his life, and she had almost lost hers. But life's funny like that sometimes. For all the times they had almost died together, it took almost dying alone to make her realize just how desperately she needed him in her life.

It was just him. All she wanted - all she needed in this life - was him.

She had talked herself up over the years, as he had too. Their first time together let neither of them down. After the initial desperation had been released through hot kisses against his bedroom door, the pace had slowed once she had led him to his bed. Wounds were healed as they touched one another; deceptions were forgiven as they kissed. When she came around him, crying out his name, when his own release almost ended him right there and then, nothing else in the world mattered in that moment.  
Wrapped up, safe, warm, alive, in eachother's arms both became acutely aware this was not a one-night thing.

When she opened up, the morning after, in his arms, in his bed, when her resignation came tumbling out of her swollen, wet, lips, Castle pulled her up out of the bed, ordered her to pack a bag, told her they were getting out of the city. He was taking her some place quiet, away from the drama of the last couple of days, where the pressure could be completely lifted - even if only for a few days.

She hadn't realized he'd meant _that_ kind of pressure...


	2. Chapter 2

_In a boy's dream_

* * *

The ice cubes happened first.

Summer was yet to officially begin, but spring was going out in a blaze of heat and physically-draining humidity. A/C allowed for some relief, but Kate could still feel the heat; every cell in her body seemed hell-bent on permanently remembering just how hot and damp and miserable stepping outside really was. Or maybe she was sunburned, and determined to deny it. She pressed a finger down on her pink skin, felt the heat radiating off her arm before she even touched it, and cringed from the pain. Damn.

The Hamptons were beautiful, and Castle's home was much as she had expected it to be - which took nothing away from the sheer beauty and size of the house. From the woodwork, to the tasteful furnishings, to the small gardens, to the view. It was perfect, and so completely Castle.

They had spent their first day walking along the beach, occasionally holding hands, the action still leaving them both feeling a little shy. Castle wove stories of past vacations with Alexis, how every summer spent here had changed them both somehow. He didn't skip over the stories involving his ex-wives. They were part of his history, and Kate held no ill-feelings towards them. He would still glance at her, catch her eye, make sure she was comfortable with the words leaving his mouth. She stood on tip-toes finally, when his concerns began to bother her, and kissed his cheek sweetly, reassuring him with her lips that it was okay. Everything was okay.

The sun had been hot that day, and although Kate had reapplied sunscreen after each dip in the ocean, the sun's penetrating rays had burned her. Now she was pink as a tomato, and miserable, sitting on his shaded deck, trying to find some relief from her discomfort.

"Here," Castle said, returning from inside, as he handed her a tall glass of water, half-full with ice cubes.

"I hope that's vodka," she replied dryly as she took the cold glass from him, and felt a jolt run through her as her hot skin connected with the condensation already collecting on the outside of the glass. She waved a hand dismissively as she saw the stern look on his face. "I know, I know. I need to stay hydrated. _I know_."

"Then drink your water," he told her in a tone that made her want to pout like a petulant child. He held a closed fist out to her, and she opened her palm in response. He deposited two ibuprofen into her hand, and gave her a look that simply said: don't argue with me.

She closed her eyes, leaned back in the chair, sipped the water, and felt her body cooling with each sip. She heard the shake of liquid in a bottle, assumed it was more sunscreen, and almost jumped out of her skin when it touched her leg.

"Jesus Christ! Castle!" She gasped, the cold gel on her leg almost too much against the heat of the burns. She glanced down as he gingerly applied the green _Aloe After Sun _gel, and the longer it was on her skin the more bearable it became. She settled back and smiled through her discomfort as he silently, carefully, applied the gel to her burns. "Thank you," she told him softly.

"It's cooler inside," he said in response. "You'll be more comfortable."

Beckett sighed contentedly as she gazed out over the white expanse of sand to the blue ocean beyond. "I'm fine here," she said, a smile playing on her lips. Swallowing down the anti-inflammatory pills, she finished the water and placed the glass down beside her, before glancing over at him, to where he now sat on the deck chair beside hers. "You're a bit pink too, you know." She touched a finger to his nose. "I think you need some aloe yourself."

She was sucking on an ice cube as he turned to look at her, her finger having left his nose but the feel of it remaining. He watched as she rolled the ice around in her mouth, lazily sucking on it, unaware he was staring, her eyes once again focused on the beach and the scenes unfolding beside the ocean. From her relaxed posture, the smile tugging on her lips, no one would know she almost died barely more than twenty four hours earlier.

No one would know he had almost lost her - again.

Her hair was disheveled, having dried like a lion's mane of curls around her face, cascading down but barely reaching her shoulders. She'd had it trimmed recently, he had noticed. Reaching out, he tucked her hair behind her ear, ran his fingertips down her jaw, feather-light touches on her pink skin. He saw her shiver slightly from his touch, saw her stop sucking on the ice for a moment.

"Come on," he told her. Standing, he reached for her hands, and pulled her to her feet. "Inside. The beach will still be here tomorrow."

"Promise?"

He could merely nod in response, finding himself suddenly unable to form sentences as his eyes flicked between her lips and her eyes, trying not to fixate completely on the ice she was rolling around in her mouth.

She caught him staring. "What?" She asked.

He swallowed. His throat feeling thick, constricted, as he contemplated how to say it without sounding like a pervert. "How's the ice?"

His tone was so suggestive she nearly choked on the ice. "Cold," she replied evenly. Two could play this game. She sidled up to him, crunching away the last tiny sliver of ice, and turned and pressed her hot skin against his. Her cool tongue licked at his lips. He opened his mouth, just a little, just enough. She pressed her lips to his, her tongue demanding entry into his mouth.

She loved that she could kiss now him, and despite everything she still felt relief wash over her as he kissed her back.

Neither had spoken of her resignation; there had been no talk of her mother's case, of the men determined to end her life, or of the secrets both had kept from one another. The first day on the beach Castle had done just as promised - he had lifted the weight of the world from her shoulders, and allowed her some time to find herself again. Find out who she was without her mother's case defining her.

Breaking the kiss, Kate smiled playfully as she silently wandered inside, and into his kitchen, hearing him follow behind her. She took a small bowl from a shelf, before filling it from the ice dispenser on the front of the fridge. Leading him up the stairs to his room, the bowl of ice in one hand, his hand grasped firmly in the other, she found he no longer seemed to mind her being in control.

* * *

With Castle flat on his back, and wearing absolutely nothing, Kate had nestled herself between his legs, still clad in her swimsuit and sarong. She was tempted to spin her body around, straddling his head while she had her way with him. But that would cause too many distractions, and she only wanted to focus on him right now. She smiled up at him as she reached for an elastic on the bed-side cabinet, tying her hair back in a messy braid, pulling it away from her face, and out of the way. The bowl of ice cubes sat beside her, waiting. She was thankful for the knee-length sarong she had worn. On her knees, her toes pressed against the mattress, she was able to keep her burnt shins off the bed.

Tucking the last errant strands of hair behind her ears, she leaned down, positioning herself. Her fingers cupped his balls, teasingly light against him, as her lips wrapped around the head of his shaft. She flicked her eyes to him as a soft sigh escaped his lips. His eyes found hers, saw her with her lips wrapped around him, and he moaned in response.  
Her lips curled up in a smile, her eyes moving from his, down his torso, to the effect she was having on him; he responded to each movement of her lips upon him, grew harder with each flick of her tongue. Her other hand closed gently, but firmly, around the base of him, and she took him into her mouth, as far as she could, down to where her hand rested. She began humming, letting him feel the vibrations.

She moved her lips up his shaft, dropping a kiss on the head, before releasing him. He whimpered at the loss.

"Richard Castle, did you just _whimper_?" She teased.

He could only groan in response, making her chuckle.

She reached over and popped a small ice cube into her mouth. She held it between her teeth, smiling at him so he could see it.

"You're killing me," he said hoarsely, his hands coming up to scrape over his face.

"I haven't even started," she said, the cube now clenched between her back teeth. She rolled it around inside her mouth, letting it rest at various places within her mouth, cooling everywhere.  
Once she was satisfied her mouth was sufficiently cooled, and the cube was small enough, she leaned back over him again, returned her hand to the base of him, and moved her lips down his shaft, taking him in.

His hips bucked slightly, and his hands fell to her head, his fingers tangling in her hair but not forcing her on, just lightly resting on her scalp. She noticed he'd tried to keep some control so not to thrust forcefully into her mouth, and although she had been prepared for such a reaction in advance there had ultimately been no need.

Her mouth was hot, but the moment the coolness of the ice hit his sensitive skin he almost came. The contrasting temperatures felt unbelievable, and he wondered why he had never let anyone try this before. Oh yeah, because none of his past girlfriends had ever mentioned this. And even when Kate had mentioned it, seemingly so long ago, he hadn't imagined it would occur any place other than in his own mind.

Her tongue swirled around him, her lips running up and down, and her hand caressed him, and all together with the alternating hot and cold made for sensations he'd never experienced during this act before.

She resumed humming, while her mouth continued its assault, and the mix of all sensations became too much.

"Kate," he managed to grunt out. "Stop."

She released him, swallowing the ice, and glanced up. "You okay, Castle?"

Even the way she said his name was sexy as hell right now. "Yes. No. It's just..." God, he didn't want to say this. He hated that he was about to say this. What was he? Eighteen years old again? "I won't last much longer, but I need to be inside you."

She didn't even hesitate. Reaching down, she held the crotch of her swimwear to the side, straddled his hips, and sank down slowly on him. She sighed softly as he filled her, still amazed by how good he felt, how good he could make her feel. She sat motionless for a moment, her hands on his chest, her eyes locked on his, her smile matching the one on his face.

A whole week of this? Of just _them_, no thinking, no concerns, just _this_? She might never go back.

* * *

**A/N: First off, I do apologise if Kiwi-isms ever pop up in my fics, and don't ever be afraid to point it out to me if a word isn't one that would be used in North America. I do my best, but I'm sure some slip through.**

**Now, a big THANK YOU for all the Story Alerts that welcomed me this morning. You guys are awesome. Feel free to leave a review that's nothing but post-_Always_ fangirling, flail and squee all over my review page - and make me smile :-)**

**Now I'm off to read everyones post _Always_ fic, and flail all over their review pages ;-)  
**


	3. Chapter 3

_You've got your ball,_  
_you've got your chain._

* * *

His eyes were wide, filled with both anticipation and surprise, filled with utter disbelief that this was really happening. He waited for the inevitable bubble-bursting moment when she handcuffed him to the bed, and walked off laughing, telling him he was dreaming for thinking they were really going to have sex again. Ever.

It didn't come.

She was really straddling his hips, naked except for a black bra and matching panties, dangling a pair of handcuffs over him as he lay in bed. The fun kind of handcuffs.

He had helped her pack. Where the hell did she hide those in her bag?

When he reached a hand down between them, dipping two fingers under the thin satin crotch, finding her already wet, achingly ready, for him, he felt relief wash over him.

He'd only fallen asleep for a few minutes, hadn't he? That she was straddling him now, moving her hips, rubbing against him, was unexpected. He thought he had scared her off sex for a lifetime after the conversation they'd had earlier.

* * *

_Dinner had wound down and Kate had moved outside to relax on the deck. When he joined her, he found her watching families making the most of the fading daylight, finishing sandcastles or throwing a ball around. He had caught her profile, seen the small smile on her lips, almost sad, more than a little wistful, and had leaned down from where he stood behind her, and whispered into her ear, "You want one of those?"_

_"Hmmm?" She had turned slightly at his voice, still lost in the scenes unfolding before her._

_"Kids," he clarified. "A baby."_

_Her head had snapped towards him, shock on her face. "I... What?"_

_She clearly hadn't seen that question coming. Honestly, he'd been surprised it had left his own lips so soon. They hadn't even had the conversation about their relationship, were yet to define it, and here he was bringing up the subject of kids.  
_

_"Shit," she muttered. Her eyes flicked to his, before she looked away. "I'm sorry, Castle." _

_He wasn't sure if she was apologizing for her reaction to his question, or apologizing for the words that might soon leave her lips._

_He straightened up, back to full height, taking in the scenes on the beach for himself, and dropped his hands to her shoulders. He gently massaged the tension away, his fingers working around the sunburnt patches of skin. "I'm not looking to commit to anything right now." His mouth just wouldn't stop betraying him. "Just curious as to where your head is at, regarding such things. Ever wanted a baby, Detective?"_

_She laughed darkly at his words. "Not a detective anymore, remember."_

_He chose not to comment further on that topic, but wasn't dropping the other one so quickly. The can was already open, and the worms were everywhere. _  
_"I'll be honest with you for a moment," he told her gently, his hands working the muscles in her shoulders and upper back, but the tension not dissipating in the least. That didn't surprise him. He was feeling a little tense now himself, yet still he carried on talking. Idiot. "I was an only child, and having had that experience I often thought about a brother - or sister - for Alexis." He sighed. "But that was when she was younger."_

_"You don't want more now?"  
_

_He shrugged, although she was facing forward again and couldn't see him. "I could go either way." He was putting her in an awkward position, and felt like a jackass for it, but he was too much of a coward to be the one to commit to a real answer without knowing where the she stood. _

_She clearly wasn't any braver than him when it came to this subject. "God, Castle, I'm not ready for this conversation. I just... Please, can we drop it for now. Not forever, just for now?" Her voice was low, wavering slightly. _

_And so, he let it drop. He stood behind her, continuing to massage her shoulders, but an awkward silence had come between them, wrapped around them, filled every available space. With a small kiss to the top of her head, he said gently, "See you inside?" He was drained, from the hot sun, unforgiving humidity, the sex they'd had earlier, and now this conversation. _

_She had nodded, hesitated, and then reached a hand up to rest on his as it finished working at her shoulders. Just a light touch, not quite a squeeze, to show it was okay, that she wasn't angry, just a bit shell-shocked. _

* * *

Maybe he was dreaming now.

"Kate?" He didn't want to get his hopes up, didn't want to look like a fool when she slid off him and left him there, aroused and cuffed to the bed. Like he so deserved.

"Yes?" She asked innocently.

"What are you doing?"

"Well," she began as she smiled down at him, her pelvis applying just a little extra pressure to his as she swayed her hips. "I'm not entirely sure at this stage but I know it involves you naked and handcuffed to the bed," she paused for effect, letting him sweat just a little, before adding, "And inside me."

God, she was killing him. "My safe word is apples," he choked out.

She smiled. "I know."

"What's yours?"

"We won't be needing mine." A smirk tugged at her lips, but it was the playful, loving, sparkle in her eyes that kept him relaxed.

"Is this my punishment for earlier?" He had to ask.

She nodded. "You betcha."

"So it's probably too soon to bring up marriage then?"

Her entire body was flush against his then, pressing him into the mattress, and her lips collided with his - before any more words could leave them.

* * *

**A/N: Probably the least M-Rated chapter of the whole story.**

**Hey, btw, in case you forgot, OUR OTP IS CANON. I may never come down off this high.**


	4. Chapter 4

_tied to me tight,_  
_tie me up again.__  
_

* * *

A royal blue silk scarf was tied around her wrist, the other end looped and knotted around the bedpost.

Her head was tilted to the side as she watched him secure her other hand up behind her, a cardinal red scarf on that one.

She was going to need her own safe word now.

She shivered as he dropped a kiss to her wrist, just above where the red scarf was wrapped around her skin.

His kiss made her feel safe. Made her feel loved. She trusted him. Safe words weren't necessary here.

"Castle," she murmured, his name barely more than a sigh as it left her lips.

He kissed her lips, his hands framing her face as he did so. The kiss broke but the contact didn't as their noses brushed. She wanted desperately to reach out and touch him, run her fingers along his skin, feel the warmth of him against her. But she couldn't touch him now. He was in control. And, for once, it didn't scare her.

He sat back, admiring his handiwork, admiring Kate Beckett naked and tied to his bed. "Since I _suffered _through punishment because of our conversation on the deck." She rolled her eyes at his words, unable to keep the smile from her lips. "You're going to suffer for getting sunburn and restricting our fun," he concluded.

She pursed her lips at him, her eyebrows raised. "How exactly has any fun been restricted?"

He didn't respond, proving he had no answer and he was just looking for an excuse to tie her up after she had cuffed him to the bed. He should have just been thankful she hadn't gagged him too. She had considered it.

He shifted down between her legs, and ran a careful fingertip down her burnt shin. She hissed softly as he did so, and he glanced up at her, concern on his face. "I'll be right back." He moved off the bed before she realized he was leaving, and was out the door before she could speak.

She wondered just how long "right back" would actually be, as there wasn't anything stopping him from leaving her tied there for the rest of the evening. Well, except for the wrath of Kate Beckett anyway. She moved her head and strained her neck to look up at the knots he had tied. She could probably wiggle her way out of those if she had too. They were basic knots, not too tight, but not loose enough to just slip her hands out. Still, if she wanted to, it didn't look like it would take much to free herself.

Her concerns, of course, proved unnecessary. He was back before she'd even had time to really study the knots and form a plan. He sauntered, naked, back into the room, in his hands was the aloe vera bottle from earlier.

"Not _that's _punishment," she told him, a despondent edge to her tone.

"Only at first," he reminded her as he knelt back on the bed, between her legs, and popped open the cap. "It'll make you feel more comfortable."

Only Castle_._ Of all the men who she might have previously allowed to partake in a little tethered fun with her, only Castle was concerned with her comfort. She loved him, even if she hadn't yet told him in such words. She had told him she wanted him (but had meant _I love you_), how she didn't care that the man who shot her had slipped through her hands (her focus was shifting because _she loved him)__, _how she had almost died thinking of only him (_her love for him _keeping her hanging on). How long could she wait before he questioned why those three words were yet to leave her lips?

She gasped, her body jolting, as he poured a little of the gel onto her legs. His fingers and palms gently worked it into her skin, and a soft, low, hiss of pain left her lips.

"Sorry," he said gently. "I'm almost done."

He was about to screw her senseless - again - and he was apologizing for causing her a little pain now? Only Castle.

Satisfied with his work, he put the gel aside, and eased her knees up until the soles of her feet were flat on the mattress. "Comfortable?" He asked.

She wanted to reach for him, drag his body to hers. "I'll be more comfortable with you just a little closer."

He slid up a little closer, nestled between her legs, but still not touching. "Better?"

She groaned in frustration. "Castle..." The sound that left her lips as she said his name was little more than a growl.

She felt insatiable with him. This one day alone had opened her eyes to just how much she had been missing out on. His eyes had been opened so wide they were practically bugging out of his head, and she hadn't even started with him yet. He was keeping up surprisingly well with her, but while she wasn't counting or anything (of course not) she had noticed he'd only had the one orgasm so far that day (after the ice cube, of course). This needed to be remedied quickly.

She couldn't stroke him, couldn't caress him or tease him, with her hands. But there were muscles she had yet to introduce him to. She could use those to her full advantage.

She bit her lower lip as he hovered over her, just gazing at her for a moment, drinking her in with his eyes. She would never tire of being looked at like that, the wonder and love that filled his eyes so frightening, yet so comforting. Her heart swelled in her chest, and the tingling in her stomach told her she was in love, and loved in return, and she had better get used to these feelings damn quick. And just tell him already.

"I love you, Kate," he said, his palms on either side of her head, his face inches from her. "You trust me, right."

"Always," she murmured, before he swooped in and pressed a hard, hot, kiss to her lips. The stubble on his chin scraped against her skin, and she didn't care. Her lips were swollen, red, and she didn't care. Other parts of her were starting to protest from a day of sex, and she didn't care. She didn't want this to ever end, and she kissed him back with just as much raw need.

His lips moved from hers, to kiss the edge of her mouth, down to her jaw, her neck, her chest. He didn't neglect her scar. The first time they had made love, before they moved to his bed, while she was still pressed firmly against his bedroom door, he had kissed it, acknowledged it; she had held his hands to it, letting him feel her heart beating strong beneath. She wasn't ashamed of it, and he didn't act like it didn't exist. She shivered as his tongue rasped against it, before he moved his attention - his lips - to a nipple. She arched her back, pressing harder against his mouth, urging him on with her upper body, and the soft gasps leaving her lips. God, she just wanted to rake her fingers through his hair, massage his scalp, and press him closer, harder. Her wrists tugged at the restraints, and a groan of frustration left her lips.

He didn't say anything, but she swore she felt him smile against her skin.

His tongue swirled around her nipple, trailed down her breast to her ribs, where he resumed dropping kisses against her skin. She squirmed beneath him, the anticipation of where his mouth was headed slowly driving her crazy.

"God, Castle."

No verbal response from him, just more kisses as he traveled further south.

Just as he reached - what she hoped was - his destination, he glanced up at her, pure desire, raw need, in his eyes, before dipping down and lavishing her with his tongue.

She clamped down on her lower lip to keep from crying out in sheer pleasure. She pressed her head back against the pillow, and closed her eyes. Damn that man had a talented tongue.

He parted her folds with two fingers, opening her up completely to him. One hand reached up to rest on her stomach, the other curled under her thigh and raised her leg up, pushing it back towards her, allowing him better access and adding to the sensations she was feeling. With her leg in the air, every sensation felt heightened, every stroke of his tongue against her took her ever closer to release.

His hand left her stomach then, the other still supporting her leg, and she felt him ease two long fingers inside her, curling them slightly as he did so. His tongue continued to worship her, and the heat began to build within. A tingling became an electric current of arousal, and she felt so warm she might combust. She turned her head, pressed her face into her raised shoulder, muffled the moans as they left her lips. Her body was shuddering, her hips bucking, and she had no control over anything. So she gave in to all the sensations, and let her body be pushed ever closer to release.

His fingers caressed her from within, applying pressure to just the right place, and his tongue refused to quit, swirling around her, keeping the momentum, keeping the rhythm. She came hard around him, pressing her pelvis closer to his face, crying out softly as the jolt of her orgasm fired through her, and she rode out the waves as she came back down to her body again.

He rode it out with her, his face still pressed against her, his fingers still in her, his tongue still on her, and as she lay boneless and contented, she had to struggle to say his name, unable to brush his face away with her hands like she would normally do when the sensations became too much, became painful.

"Castle, please," she gasped out. "Stop."

And he did, the moment she asked him to.

He looked up, his lips moist as he grinned at her. He withdrew his fingers, and eased her shaking leg back down to the mattress. Sliding up her body, now shimmering with a thin sheen of sweat, he eased himself up to where he could undo the knots, and quietly released each wrist. He inspected her skin as he untied the knots, made sure she was unharmed, and she could have started crying from that alone. He kissed her wrists, and brought her hands down to her chest, one of his own hands covering them, keeping his weight off her with his other hand on the bed beside her, with his knees between her legs, but allowing skin on skin contact.

She slipped her hands out from under his, and cupped his face, her thumbs caressing his cheeks. The emotions were overwhelming her now, and there was no holding the words in. "I love you, you know."

He looked shocked for a moment, but recovered quickly and nodded. "I do now," he replied.

Her hands moved from his face to wrap around his neck, and she pulled him in for a crushing kiss.

Orgasm number four had just occurred for her; it was time to even the score a little.

* * *

**A/N: And so concludes day one in the Hamptons. Kate's gonna be walking funny tomorrow... ;-) And boy that Castle's got some stamina eh? **

**As for Kate's "I love you", well personally I think it's going to take some time for her to be able to say that out loud to Castle in S5, but for the sake of my sanity it's out of the way in MY story now :-)  
**

**Next chapter will address a few things, and won't be quite as light and fluffy, so I hope you enjoyed this one *evil laugh evil laugh* **

**And, yes, I do talk this much in real life too...**

**As _always_, click the blue link and leave your thoughts (do it anon if you're too ashamed to sign your name. I'll understand, I promise).**


	5. Chapter 5

_Who's got their claws_  
_in you my friend?_

* * *

"Castle, no!" Kate replied in anger. She was standing opposite him, the kitchen counter between them like a shield. "I'm done. I resigned. It's over."

Day two had actually started pretty well. They had awoken, tangled in one another's arms, the sun shining through the window and warming their naked skin. Breakfast had been playful, and he hadn't been able to resist dabbing some of the whipped cream for the pancakes on her nose. She has forgotten her breakfast then, choosing to devour his mouth instead, licking and nipping at him. After a lengthy make-out session, all hands and lips and tongues, she had excused herself for a shower, swearing that if she didn't get away from him now they'd just end up right back in bed again - which had sounded okay to him, but she had plans for the day.

He had then managed to fuck up almost the entire rest of the day in a spectacularly epic way.

* * *

_Castle's phone silently vibrated in his pocket, and he retrieved it and read the display. _

_12th Precinct Calling_

_It was likely to be one of two people, and neither made Castle feel the urgency to take the call._

_Choosing 'accept', he answered. "Castle."_

_"Hey, Castle," a familiar, tired, voice replied down the line. "It's Ryan."_

_He had been expecting this. "Hey, Ryan. What's up?" Keep it cool, nonchalant. _

_There was a pause, before Ryan responded in a tone lower than before. "Is Beckett with you?"_

_Castle stood silently, mouth agape for a moment, his eyes flicking to the closed bathroom door. "Why... Uh." He cleared his throat. "Why do you ask?"_

_"I know you two aren't exactly on speaking terms right now, but she won't take my calls and I was hoping you might be trying to talk some sense into her."_

_"She won't take your calls?" This was news to Castle. Kate hadn't mentioned Ryan had been trying to reach her._

_"Keeps going to voice-mail." Ryan paused, sighed. "Kate and Javi," he began, surprising Castle with the use of their first names, "were suspended because I got Gates involved. But Kate..." Castle could practically hear him raking a hand through his hair in frustration. "She resigned. Kate Beckett resigned." _

_He understood the frustration in Ryan's voice. "Not because of you, you know that right?"_

_Ryan was silent for a moment. "The only thing I know for sure right now is that Beckett listens to you, Castle. You need to talk her back. This place... It needs her. I miss you guys."_

_It was sentimental, but Castle understood. Without Beckett, Esposito, and himself, the precinct would be a quieter place. The family had been split up.  
_

_"You know what Beckett's like," Castle reminded Ryan. "I can't force her back. Once she digs her heels in there's no moving her."_

_"Why'd you leave the team, Castle?" A shift in direction, but clearly something that had been weighing heavy on Ryan's mind. _

_"I..." Castle sighed. "I couldn't watch her get herself killed, and I couldn't stop her. When she's hell-bent on losing herself in her mom's case my words don't mean as much to her as you may think."_

_"Ask Beckett about your books, Castle. Your words mean more in those moments than you may realize."_

_Castle frowned, but tucked that away in the back of his brain for later. "Thank you for getting Gates involved. You saved Kate's life, Kevin."_

_"And I broke the team up."_

_"But the team is alive, and broken things can be fixed. I'll speak with her."_

_The line was silent for a moment. "Thanks, Castle." _

_The line beeped, signalling the call had been ended, and Castle stared down at the phone in his hands for a moment before pocketing it again. _  
_He wandered back into his bedroom, the sounds of the shower still emanating from the en-suite bathroom, and sat on the edge of his bed, contemplating how to bring this up without an argument ensuing. With no answer in sight, he exited the room and made his way down the stairs. He could at least offer her a coffee before they spoke.  
_

* * *

Castle gripped at the kitchen counter in frustration, two cups of coffee sitting ignored between them. This conversation wasn't going to end well, but it was too late to take the words back now. "But do you understand what you did? Because this is the first time you've shown any emotion regarding your resignation since we arrived here."

"I understand, and I'm dealing with it. Castle, don't do this. Not yet. You're so good at giving me time when I need it. I need it now." She looked at him through watery eyes. "That's why you brought me out here, remember? To get away from those decisions and just feel free for a while. I need liberty now, Castle. I need time."

"Do you need space too?" He asked, a bitter edge to his tone. "Because that's almost what you're suggesting."

She shook her head. "Just the freedom to find myself, and the time to do it in. I want you beside me while I work through it all, like I wanted you with me when that damn wall came down."

He released his grip in the counter-top, his palms resting flat upon it now. "Have you heard from Ryan, or Esposito?"

Kate narrowed her eyes at his question. "Why do you ask?" Suspicion lacing her tone.

He held his hands up in surrender. "Hey, I was only wondering how they were doing."

"I've received a few text messages from Lanie, which I am yet to respond to, and I've had a few missed calls from Ryan. You know me, Castle," she reminded him, because as much as she had found herself screaming at him in the past that he didn't know her at all, the truth was quite the opposite. "You saw how far I pulled away after my shooting. I barely spoke to anyone. When I'm dealing with things I do it alone." She smiled at him before adding, "And now I do it with you."

He nodded. "I will listen, anytime you need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about right now.

Castle sighed. "Except there is, Kate. There's us."

"Please can we not bring this up right now?" She was almost pleading with him now. "I let go of my mom's case, I resigned, and then I let the last brick holding that wall in place crumble." She held his gaze. "I'm trying to figure out who I am without that wall, and the _only_ thing I know for sure is that you're part of this new life. But I don't even know who I am let alone what we are."

Castle beckoned for her to come around it to him. He met her halfway around the counter, and embraced her, his arms holding her tight. "I know what you're contemplating," he whispered against her hair. "I know why you became a cop, and what your plans had been before then."

She nodded against him, but didn't attempt to pull away, instead allowing him to hold her.

"Would you stay in New York?"

Kate slumped in his arms. "I don't know," she replied softly. "You're right." She pulled back, met his eyes. "And I hate that you're right, but you are."

"About?"

"Needing to have this conversation."

"I would follow you anywhere. If you would allow me." His eyes filled with unshed tears, and he silently cursed the fact this woman could reduce him to tears. He was a grown man for god's sake, but he loved her, needed to be with her. And no matter what Ryan asked of him, he couldn't force Kate Beckett back if she didn't want to go. She needed to make the decision that made her happy.

Kate's own tears were streaming down her cheeks, leaving wet trails through her fresh make-up. "I want to stay in New York," she told him, her eyes holding contact with his, the pain in his breaking her heart. "But if I don't, and you're willing, I want you with me."

He crushed her body to his, kissing her deeply. Never had he wanted to spend the rest of his life with someone, never had he been so ready to do anything - drop everything - for someone. And this time he was in it with someone who loved him back. This time it had to last, because losing this extraordinary woman from his life might just end him.

Kate broke the kiss, looked at him in concern. "I can feel you thinking," she told him sadly. "Let's not worry about this now. If leaving New York becomes a possibility, we will sit down and talk then."

"Promise?"

She smiled gently. "I don't want to lose you either."

He nodded, satisfied for now. "I'm keeping you from the day you had planned."

"We're entertaining tonight, remember? We have a dinner to prepare."

Castle groaned. "We can put it off until tomorrow."

"Nope," Kate replied, the spark returning. "Sorry. There's no putting it off."

* * *

Martha and Alexis joined them for dinner. A quick phone-call to his mother the morning he'd planned to drive Kate to his Hampton's home "to help her work through some things" had ended with her telling her son to stop being stupid. She wouldn't allow them to share the home with her. Such nonsense. And she had packed a bag of her own and made arrangements to stay at a friends home for a week before heading back.

"Dad, she looks sad," Alexis had observed when she arrived that night, the smile Detective Beckett gave her hadn't quite reached her eyes. "Whatever you're helping her through I think she would prefer to do so in private."

Castle had almost choked on his water as the words had left his daughter's lips. If only she knew. "Sweetie," he began, once he had recovered, "It's fine. Stay."

But Alexis was steadfast in her decision, and already selecting a name from her contacts before he'd even finished speaking. She would stay at a friends tonight.

By the time dinner came around, Kate had relaxed considerably. There was still an air of unease around her, but one only Castle - knowing her so well - would notice.

Martha and Alexis sat at the dinner table, catching up on what they had gotten up to in the past couple of days, and their plans for the rest of the summer, but Martha couldn't stop her gaze shifting over to where her son and Kate stood in the kitchen, preparing the meal. What she saw made her heart swell. Her son was speaking low into Kate's ear, and she was beaming at whatever he was saying, her whole face lit up in a bright smile. And when a lingering hand on her back became much more than him simply guiding her to the table, Martha knew her son had finally found what his heart had ached for for so long.

"So you two," Martha began as the food was placed before her and Alexis, and her son and Kate took their own seats side-by-side. "What have you been getting up to?"

Castle's mouth dropped open, and Kate turned beet red. And Martha had her answer.

"What's going on?" Alexis asked, her eyes shifting between all three adults, and her brain putting it together. "Wait... Are you two dating?"

Kate bit her lip, looked to Castle to respond. They hadn't discussed this, hadn't formed a plan for how to break it to his family.

He held Kate's gaze for a moment, reached across and rested his hand over hers on the table, squeezing gently. "We're together," he admitted slowly, meetings his mother's eyes. Dating? No, not technically. Forming a relationship of some kind. Yes, definitely. One that involved them being in love and having lots of sex?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Martha threw her hands into the air theatrically. "Finally!" She smiled at the couple. "Oh, Richard. Kate. I'm very happy for you both."

He looked at Alexis, waiting for her reaction. She was smiling, and after a moment she nodded, and said simply. "Good," her tone warm.

After dinner, Martha pulled Kate aside and gathered her into her arms for a warm hug. "Welcome to our family," Martha said gently, before pulling away and rejoining her son, leaving a shell-shocked Kate in her wake.

Regaining her composure, Kate joined them in the vestibule. She let the back of her hand brush against his for a fleeting moment, and joined in the goodbyes, and thank yous, that were being exchanged.  
They were almost out the main door when Alexis stopped, turned back, and threw her arms around Kate in a flying hug. Kate was surprised for a moment, before returning the hug as least awkwardly as she could. Alexis pulled back, and didn't say anything, but the large smile on her face said it all.

Closing the door, Castle turned and embraced her in his own hug. "Guess we have their blessing," he said.

Alone now, Kate held on to him with everything she had, pulling him as close to her body as possible, clinging to him. "You cannot even begin to imagine the relief I'm feeling right now," she whispered, her voice wavering as she spoke.

He chuckled, his own relief evident. "Come on," he said, pulling back slightly, his hands now resting on her hips. "I think there's still some ice cream left over from dessert."

The flirty edge to his tone made her chuckle. "Actually," she replied, just as suggestively, "I've been wanting to try out your giant bathtub since we arrived."

Castle was cautious for a moment. "But your sunburn..."

Kate shrugged. "I can keep my legs out of the water," she told him. She stood on the tips of her toes and whispered into his ear, "Let me show you how."

And when she descended, naked and lithesome, into the steaming water, it wasn't long before she had spread her legs wide and placed a foot on each end corner of the tub, opening herself up to him, and keeping her shins out of the water as promised.

* * *

In his bed, boneless, sated, and still just a little damp from the tub, she froze up, her whole body going rigid against his. "Hey, you okay?" He wondered if he had done something, had a guy moment without realizing it.

She swung her legs over the side of the bed, and sat with her back to him. "Esposito was suspended, because of me. He and Ryan aren't even speaking, because of me. I resigned, and Gates _almost _looked like she gave a damn. We're here, now, because of me."

Castle sat up, moved across the bed and sat behind her. He dropped his hand lightly onto her shoulder, squeezing gently. The light from the small lamp on the nightstand beside her shone upon her back, and Castle dropped a light kiss - barely more than a mere brush of his lips - against one of the many bruises there. She was covered in them, and he had noticed. He'd noticed all of them. From the light purple contusion on her forehead, to the deep bruise on her hand, and the myriad of colors and sizes of the ones littering her back and stomach. He had even noticed the marks that looked suspiciously like fingerprints on her neck. But he had said nothing; he had avoided them as best he could while ravishing her, and gave her the time to open up about her latest near-death experience. His lips still found them occasionally, kissed them better, and let her know he was aware of them.

"I'm not ready to discuss any of it further," she warned. "Reality just came crashing down on me, that's all." Her voice was barely more than a whisper now. "I'm sorry I ruined what just happened."

Wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, he dropped his chin to her shoulder, and said gently into her ear, "You ruined nothing. As for Ryan and Esposito, they made their own choices; no one forced them to do anything they _chose _to do. Nothing is unforgivable, Kate. Everything can be fixed."

"Isn't that what you're here for?" She whispered, her head dipped so her tears could fall unhindered to the floor. "To fix us? You're the only one who's ever been able to put me back together."

"You put me back together," he reminded her, his arms closing tighter around her, but still mindful of her bruises. "I hadn't realized it, but I had spent my whole life looking for you. When you hauled my ass into that interrogation room for the first time my life was forever changed. And as badly as I wanted to walk away when I feared you didn't love me back, I never could. I needed you in my life too much."

She pulled her legs up onto the bed, turned in his arms, and returned his embrace. "I need you in my life, too."

Maybe she would return to The Twelfth once her suspension was up, maybe she would pursue other career options. The answers would come in time. For now she just needed to be wrapped up in his arms, quietly defining what they now had. She just prayed she didn't screw it up with this caring, sweet, understanding, patient man.

* * *

**A/N: Hey, look, Author's Notes. Bet you didn't see this coming ;-)**  
**Just want to take a minute and say THANK YOU for all the alerts and reviews. My life is so pathetic right now that those little things make me smile and boost a girl's day. Much love and chocolate to you all.**


	6. Chapter 6

_Into your heart I'll beat again._

* * *

"I'm sorry."

Kate glanced up at Castle. She had been curled up on the chair on his deck, her feet tucked up under her and a book in her hand, had been that way since she had slipped out of his bed and watched the sunrise alone. She wasn't angry; they had needed to talk about it, even if they were only barely touching on the topic.

She smiled at the apology, but then her features contorted in confusion at what he was holding out to her.

"What's that, Castle?" She asked, her forehead furrowed. She knew _what_ it was, but not _why_ he was currently offering it to her.

"It's a forgiveness popsicle," he explained, still holding his hand out for her to take the popsicle. "It was all I had in the freezer, but it used to always work with Alexis so I figured it was worth a try."

He had unwrapped it, and it was already beginning to melt, the sticky orange juice running down the stick, and onto his thumb.

It was barely nine in the morning, but the heat outside made the bright orange high fructose corn syrup on a stick rather appealing. She placed her book to the side, a small smile tugging at her lips, and stood. She took the popsicle from him, but held his hand in place as she did so. She brought his hand up to her lips, and licked the juice from his thumb and wrist. Still holding his hand, she raised the popsicle up to her lips and sucked at the bottom of it, draining as much of the juice as possible.

Arousal surged through him as her tongue licked at the popsicle, as her lips wrapped around it, and her cheeks hollowed as she sucked. He honestly hadn't considered just how phallic the popsicle truly looked, and that was before she'd even wrapped her lips around it.

She swallowed the juice, and then reached for him, drawing him in for a wet, sticky kiss. "You're forgiven," she said huskily.

* * *

**A/N: Sunday's not much of a writing day for me, so I give you this little piece and hope you'll forgive me too.**


	7. Chapter 7

_Sweet you rock,_

* * *

They sat facing one another; Castle's legs rested out in front of him, one knee raised, heel and sole pressed firmly into the carpet, the other bent slightly, his ankle resting on the floor under his raised knee. Kate balanced on his lap, her legs slung over his hips, crossed around his back, ankles scissored, heels pressed tight against the flesh of his ass. Two bodies, joined at the hips, moving rhythmically together.

They hadn't quite made it to the bed this time. The moment Kate had crossed the threshold into the bedroom, Castle used a bare foot to close the door with a gentle kick, pressing her body against it as the latched clicked into place. With his arms on the smooth wood on either side of her head, just above her shoulders, he had reached one down to turn the lock – perhaps unnecessarily, but his family were in the neighborhood and an interruption was the last thing he wanted right now. Still fully clothed, he pressed himself hard against her, letting her feel his need through the thin material still between them.

She had moaned, dropped her head back against the door, angled her neck so his lips could access the sensitive places that made her whimper. Lips met, tongues explored, hands roamed, and clothing soon littered the floor around them.

He had planned to move it to the bed, pulling her gently away from the door, but her legs had almost buckled under her as he had tugged her forward, taking her away from the only thing keeping her upright in her aroused state. With a shake of her head, she had sunk to her knees on the soft carpeted floor, pulling him down with her. And there they had stayed.

Their lips had collided moments before he pushed inside her. She had moaned into his mouth as he'd entered her, as every inch of him had filled her and her body had stretched to accommodate his size. She was so wet, so ready for him, and god if he was any harder there would be no blood left to flow through his veins and keep him alive.

Pelvis to pelvis, their bodies now crushed together; her breasts flattened against his chest, as they held one another painfully, almost impossibly, close. With every upwards, downwards movement of his hips, her clit was stimulated by his pubic bone, hard against her. The length of him hard within her, he withdrew, and slammed back deeply into her. Her head dropped to his shoulder and she cried out softly against his skin.

He stopped moving, concern pushing through his arousal, blood making its way back to his brain. "You okay?" He rasped out, pulling back enough so to meet her eyes.

She didn't look at him, but instead nodded against his shoulder, her hands pressing into his upper-back, her nails digging in. "Hurt a little," she admitted softly.

"Bad hurt?"

"Yeah, a little. Sorry."

"No, god, I'm sorry."

She smiled, her lips curling up against his skin. "Just rock against me, Castle," she directed him sweetly.

And he did. Gentle, rocking motions, barely pulling out of her at all as he moved within. She snaked her arms around his neck, embracing him as they rocked to a rhythm only they could hear.

* * *

_and sweet you roll._

* * *

They hadn't quite managed to pick themselves up off the floor when round two began, Kate's body still shuddering, her muscles still twitching, from the last orgasm. He had helped ease her into position; steadying her legs, he then gave her a quiet moment to breathe, to calm her racing pulse. Castle ran his hands up her back, traced her spine, helped her regain control with the warmth and comfort of just his fingertips against her skin.

She sat upright now, on her knees, straddling him, but facing away.

Reverse cowgirl was officially his new favorite position.

He could stare at her ass as it lifted and fell. With his hands resting on her hips, he could calm her movements when she shifted in a frenzy of directions, and help her find some semblance of rhythm amidst the desperation of release.

She fell forward a little, her hands finding the floor between his slightly parted legs, and she shifted her hips back and forth, rotating them just enough, so that he continued to hit the spot that was about to make her lose all control.

He was letting her lead, letting her move the ways she needed to, letting her control the sensations. One of her hands found his thigh, just above his knee, and held on tightly. The other moved to her clit, and she traced small circles around just the very tip, her breathing coming out as small, short gasps as she was pushed closer to the edge.

She stilled above him, just for a moment, before both her palms landed on the floor, and she leaned forward slightly, her head hanging down, as her inner muscles contracted around him. Her whole body reacted to her orgasm, and he watched, mesmerized, this one clearly more intense than the last.

Once she had stopped shuddering, once her muscles had relaxed, he pulled her back flush against him, her body pliant, flexible, and warm. His hands cupped her breasts, thumbs brushed lightly across her sensitive nipples, and he thrust until his own release finally came.

And when they had both recovered, he eased himself out from within her, and she turned so that they were facing, their chests pressed together, her legs nestled between his slightly splayed ones. His fingers tangled in her hair, hers gripped his shoulder, traced his jaw. Their noses bumped at they lay staring at one another, smiling contentedly.

"Love you, Kate," he murmured, his lips almost brushing hers.

"Love you back," she replied, silently in awe at how easily she could say it now.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, here's what happened. I wrote a chapter, and then sat on it for almost a week because I hated it so much that I couldn't bring myself to post it. I lacked the ability to rewrite it so that it wasn't a complete mess, and so rather than continue to delay a new chapter, I have deleted it from this story. As a result, yes, there are some lyrics missing ("Sweet like candy to my soul"). I may post that chapter later, separately, as a deleted scene. For now, let's move on :-)**


	8. Chapter 8

_Lost for you I'm so lost for you_

* * *

He would follow her anywhere. He would do anything for her. She was mysterious, brilliant, frustrating, maddening, beautiful, fierce, and kind. She was extraordinary. And she put up with him, which was more than most had. She accepted him as he was, all his flaws and quirks, all his childish, petty, passive-aggressive moments. All of him. She was in love with _him_. And it still blew his mind that they had found one another, that their lives had intersected, and that she had fallen in love with him. Kate Beckett, this real, complicated, wonderful woman, who was currently snuggling up against him on his bedroom floor, had fallen in love - with _him_.

While sex had occasionally ended on the floor after tumbling off a bed, he could honestly say this was the first time he had not only made love on the floor, but made no effort to reach the bed. Tilting his head a little to glance up at the comfy, king bed, he felt a crick in his neck, and the back of his head was also starting to ache. He was sure she was feeling it too, the pain of the hard surface against her fading - but still present - bruises. They really needed to get up off the floor.

He turned his head, nudged his nose against the top of her head, through her thick hair. When she lifted her head slightly, her sleepy eyes meeting his, he said, "I suggest we pick ourselves up off this floor before we end up regretting it."

Her ribs were tender, and she had discovered a bruise on her hip she hadn't been aware of before, but lying quietly by his side, she hadn't the desire to move despite the pain. He made it bearable, made her comfortable to the point she had almost drifted asleep. Still, there was a whole day stretching out before them, and a low rumble in her stomach reminded her it was now past lunch and they hadn't eaten yet.

She rolled onto her back, and then pushed herself up. Standing, naked before him, she reached a hand down and took his gently. She helped pull him to his feet. "Clothes, food, swimming," she told him, before turning away to search for her clothes.

"In that order?" He asked.

"Ha ha, funny man. Yes, in that order." She was bending over, facing away from him, picking up her clothes off the floor, well aware of the view she was giving him.

"God." He groaned. "You keep doing that and we're never leaving this bedroom."

She straightened, turned, and grinned at him. "If we're going to keep this up, you need to feed me," she replied. She glanced at the denim she had been wearing earlier. It was too hot outside for that now. She wandered over to the closet, chose a sun-dress, white, and light, and perfect for the day.

His own stomach rumbled audibly at the thought of food, and she chuckled at him.

"Come on, Writer Boy." She handed him his boxers, and his slightly crumpled jeans. "Lunch."

"Man," he corrected her, swapping his boxers for swimming trunks. "Writer _Man._"

She simply smirked in response.

* * *

"Your sunburn looks a lot better," he observed, as he took the sunscreen bottle from her and began working the thick white liquid into her back, and shoulders. Her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail, keeping the curled locks off her neck and back.

"So do the bruises," she replied evenly. She stood in the kitchen, finishing off a salad, while he prepared her skin for the beach.

Caught off-guard by the mention the bruises, his hands paused on her skin. He shook off the surprise, moved his hands up to her shoulders, and applied a thin layer of sunscreen to her neck, brushing his fingers lightly over the bruises there. "Maddox choked you?" He asked, hoping she might open up further about the events that had led her to his door.

"Had a pretty good attempt at it, yes," she replied softly. Her shoulders slumped under his hands. "He was too much for me; I wasn't ever going to win that fight."

"You're still here," he told her, his hands working at the muscles in her shoulders, massaging her now, rather than working the sunscreen in.

"There but for the grace of God." She shook her head, sighed softly. "I need to call Ryan."

"He would probably appreciate that."

Kate stepped forward, out of his touch, and turned. "You've spoken to him." It wasn't a question.

"He called me," Castle admitted. "He just wanted to know you're okay."

"And if I'm going back."

Castle nodded. "Of course, that as well."

"What did you tell him?"

"That I would speak to you, but that I couldn't force you to do anything you didn't want to do."

She nodded. She wasn't angry; she had suspected as much. "Just, don't be afraid to tell me these things, Castle," she told him. She took his hand, holding it warmly in hers. Her eyes held his, as she reminded him, "We're building a relationship here, and thankfully we were smart enough to start it after lies were exposed, and not before. But knowing we've kept things from one another in the past means even little things like a conversation with Ryan can make me apprehensive." She squeezed his hand, smiled lightly. "You know me, Castle. You know I shut down to cope with things. I don't want to be that person anymore, and right now I'm not. I'd like to keep moving forward."

She wasn't yelling at him; her tone was soft, and her eyes were warm. This was a peaceful Kate, rediscovering herself, and he understood his part in that. "Are you ready to tell me where you're at regarding your career. I know you've been thinking about it."

With her hand still in his, she turned and led him through the back door, through the paved courtyard, to his pool. She sat down at the edge of the pool, hitched her skirt up to above her knees, and dangled her feet in the cool water. She gestured for him to sit beside her. He slipped out of his jeans to his swimming trunks, and sat at her side, his own feet slipping under the water to mid-calf. The pool was secluded, away from prying eyes of neighbors, where conversations could be kept private with low tones.

"I've thought about it every day," she admitted. "How could I not?" She moved her legs under the water, one then the other, the feeling of resistance not unlike the way she felt about this conversation.

He nodded. He slung an arm across her shoulders, and drew her closer to him.

She leaned against his body, allowed the support. "I do miss it. For different reasons than I missed it last summer." All she had wanted to do last summer was make it through a day long enough without pain so that she felt ready to return to work, so that she could start moving forward on catching the man who had shot her. Now, she missed her team, the thrill of the chase, and the relief of giving a family - a victim - justice. Her mom's case, Maddox, those thoughts were present, of course. But they were mixed in with everything else, not dominating as they once had. They were thoughts that entered her mind occasionally, but not ones she allowed herself to dwell on, or to take control. She had the control now. If she stepped back, if she shifted her focus, if she allowed herself freedom from the case, she could find herself. She understood this now. "But I'm happy right now, and that's all I want to care about."

"The sadness clouds your eyes sometimes," he told her gently.

"It's just from the uncertainty. I'm unemployed, Castle. This is new for me."

"You don't have to be," he reminded her. "One phone call..."

She was silent, her eyes fixated on the water as it rippled from the movements of her legs beneath the surface. She dragged a foot up, her toes peeking out of the water, and she wiggled them, let the sun warm them, before dipping them back under the cool chlorinated pool water again. She smiled. "I know it's an option, believe me. I haven't ruled it out."

He pulled her even closer to him, dropped a kiss on her forehead. "And I'll follow you back, should you make that decision."

Her heart swelled. She was content, loved, more at peace than she had been in over a decade. There she was, with no job, well aware there was a man out there hell-bent on killing her, yet she was alive, she had her health, and she was pressed up against the side of the man she loved, and who loved her in return.

"Thank you, Castle."

"For what?"

"For not pushing me away when I turned up, beaten and broken, on your doorstep, when you had every right to after the argument we had in my apartment."

"Well believe me when I say, if Kate Beckett turns up at your home, dripping wet, grabs your face, and crushes her lips to yours, you don't want to lose that moment in a hurry."

"I'm sorry the wall took so long to come down."

"I'm just glad it did."

"And I'm sorry I was so damn selfish, so willing to give up my own life. I..." She hesitated, tears forming. "I was so damn stupid, Castle. You were right to walk away."

"I couldn't stop you, and I couldn't watch you die again."

"I'm sorry there even had to be a first time."

Castle sighed. His hand on her shoulder squeezed gently. "Tell me, Kate. Tell me about what exactly brought you to my door that night."

So she did. She composed herself, withheld the tears threatening to fall, and recounted the roof-top fight, her fingers losing their grip on the edge, the terror as she realized she would die without ever having had a chance with him how crazy she was for him. She spoke of Ryan, and Gates, and how looking at her badge she realized what little importance it held in that moment. How alone on a swing, in the middle of a thunderstorm, she knew there was only one place she needed to be, and only one person she needed to be with. And he held her close as she spoke, rubbing a hand up and down the soft skin of her upper arm when her voice faltered, squeezing her shoulder when a tear fell, but he didn't speak, letting his touch comfort her instead.

When the darkness of the conversation threatened to consume them, when the mood became too heavy, Kate slipped from out of his grasp, and dropped fully-clothed into the pool. She moved to the middle, backwards, smiling at his quizzical expression. When the water reached to her chest she stopped, and beckoned for him to join her. She was free now, impulsive in a positive, healthy, way.

With a nod, he slipped his shirt off, and slipped down into the water, pushing through it to where she stood waiting.

He pressed his body against hers, and she stood on the tips of her toes to reach his lips, but she didn't kiss him. "So, I hear this pool is good for skinny dipping." Before he could respond, she moved her hands to the back of her neck, and began working on the knot there, the one keeping the top half of her dress up.

Castle watched in awe as she undid the knot, and brought the two thin pieces of material over her shoulders. The top of her dress slipped down, floating on the water. He adored this woman; while he had fallen in love with a somewhat more controlled version, he was exhilarated by who she was becoming. He began walking her backwards to the edge of the pool, where he could push her against it as they shed the rest of their clothing, and ravish every inch of her.


	9. Chapter 9

_Touch your lips just so I know,_  
_In your eyes, love, it glows._

* * *

They sat on the couch, silent and at peace, as dusk settled around the house, and the air cooled. Castle watched an old movie on the television, while Kate sat with her back against the armrest, her legs stretched out over his. His hands idly rubbed her calves as he lost himself in the film. She was feigning interest in a book, but it hadn't grabbed her full attention so instead she peeked over the top of the pages every now and then, sneaking a glimpse at him, watching him engrossed in the film.

Little moments like this made her realize how much she had missed being in a relationship with someone who was actually around, and not constantly working, or in Africa or Haiti. It made her aware just how much she really did enjoy Castle's company, just being in his presence, away from murderboards and his crazy theories (although she did miss those too). She could easily - happily - spend every evening for the rest of her life, sitting at his side, just being with him. But did she dare ever mention that? That she could see him as her one and done. And could he stay in a marriage? God, he had already asked her about children, and she had avoided answering him. If this was going to work, if they were going to build an open, honest relationship, she needed to be able to answer such questions, no matter how soon he fired them at her.

* * *

Earlier when they had managed to leave the house to pick up some groceries, the woman behind the counter had asked how long they had been together. In unison they had replied, although their answers had been a little different.

_"Four days."_

_"Four years."_

Kate had thrown him an exasperated look at first, but it had softened as the realization hit her. No matter how the relationship had been defined previously, the truth was it had been four years of tolerating, learning, growing, loving. It had simply been four days with sex now thrown in.

* * *

He caught her watching him then. He turned his head, met her wide eyes, and frowned slightly. "You okay?"

"We need to talk about this relationship," she replied hurriedly, before she lost her nerve.

"Okay." He reached for the remote, and turned the TV off. No distractions, just them. Turning slightly, he rested his hands on her knees. "I, uh, sense you want to go first?"

She took a deep breath, closed her book and placed it calmly down on the small coffee table. _Now or never, Kate_. "I have always put my career before everything, before everyone. I sit on your deck, watching the families on the beach, and I see the things I had never considered for myself before, and I find myself wanting them. And when I look at you," she paused, sighed and shook her head at herself before she continued. "God, Castle, I see all those things, and it doesn't terrify me."

"Is this you answering the kids question from the other day?" He asked gently, carefully.

She nodded shyly. "Yes."

Reaching a hand to him, she touched a finger to his lips, traced it, as he replied, "I see those things too."

Pulling her hand back, she felt the hesitation again. "Forever? Because that's what those are to me."

"I know I don't have the best track record," he admitted. "But you have to understand the circumstances surrounding my previous marriages, and subsequent divorces. I never saw forever before, not until I met you."

"I hope you never write a cheesy line like that into your books," she teased, trying to break the tension filtering into the room and surrounding them.

"I love you, Kate. You were worth the wait, and now that I have you I'm not letting you go."

"Bit possessive there, Castle."

"Are you saying you could let me go?"

She swallowed thickly, shook her head. "No. No, I couldn't. You're stuck with me."

"I want to be stuck with you forever. Whether that means marriage, or not. Whether that means raising a family, or not. Whatever choices we make, I know the only person I ever want to have to make them with is you."

His eyes shone with unshed tears, the emotion of what he was saying hitting him. She saw no point in trying to hold her own tears back, and let them fall, all while smiling brightly at him. "I'm ready to dive in completely," she whispered.

He reached for her, and pulled her onto his lap. Arms wrapped around one another, their lips met, and she kissed him soundly before pulling back and resting her forehead against his. "I think," she began, her breath fanning out over his face, "today has been crazy and emotional, and I'm exhausted. So before I say anything else, I'm going to head up to bed." At the grin on his lips, she clarified, "_To sleep_, Castle. To sleep."

He huffed playfully. "I suppose, since I already had my way with you in the pool, that I can forgo sex in my bed - or on the floor - for one evening."

She pulled back, and laughed at him, wiping her cheeks dry with the back of her hand. "If you say things like that it may be more than one evening."

"Not fair, Detective, not fair." He pressed his lips together tightly at his slip, watching her carefully.

She froze at his words, drawing her bottom lip into her mouth, biting down on it.

"Sorry," he murmured.

"I wish I could forget so easily."

He sighed, angry at himself. "I shouldn't be speaking when I'm this tired," he admitted.

She kissed his lips gently, letting him know it was okay, she was okay. "Come up to bed with me," she urged. She eased herself off his lap, and once she'd placed her legs firmly on the floor, reached a hand for his. "We'll get some well-deserved rest, and tackle these things in the morning."

He eyed her wearily for a moment, before nodding, and taking her hand. He pushed himself off the couch, aided a little by a gentle tug from her, and then wrapped his arm around her waist. "We'll tackle these things when you're ready," he promised her.

Walking side-by-side towards the large, curving staircase, she replied, "I'll be ready in the morning."

* * *

**A/N: Well, it can't ALL be smut (however, there is more of that coming very soon) ;-) **


	10. Chapter 10

_I'm bare boned and crazy for you_

* * *

She stood naked before him. The room was dark, lit only by the light from the bathroom and a small, dimmed lamp beside his bed, the sun yet to come up.

Her bladder had woken her at four A.M, and she had slinked out quietly from his embrace. While in the bathroom she had taken a moment to study her reflection in the large mirror. She looked rested, and slightly more tanned than usual. She smiled at herself, her features lifting, before the smile faded again as she surveyed the reminders of her encounter with Maddox. She had slept naked during the night, as Castle had too, the warm nights making clothing unnecessary, his hands exploring her while she drifted off to sleep making clothing a hindrance. Bruises still littered her body, as they would for some time, and even when they were faded and almost lost behind a summer tan, she would still feel them.

Standing now near the foot of the bed, the bathroom light shining behind her, she was taking a moment to forget it all, forget everything except this wonderful man before her, and allowing him to just look at her. He had turned the lamp on while she had been in the bathroom, roused by the shifting of the mattress, and concerned by her departure. A small smile tugged at her lips as she stood before him, and his features brightened, his concern easing. Her heart swelled under his gaze, the love and admiration in his eyes melting her.

Needing him now, she bridged the space between them in long strides.

He pushed the sheet aside so she could slide up next to him on the mattress. She pressed her long, lithe, frame against his side, and kissed his cheek sweetly. Her loose hair brushed against his face, and she pushed it behind her ears so she could take him in, unhindered.

She grazed his cheek lightly with her lips again. With them resting against his skin, she murmured, "I love you."

He smiled, and turned his head until his lips found hers. His mouth resting on hers, he replied, "I love you," before pressing their lips together.

They kissed languidly, her palm rested on his chest, her fingertips feather-light against his skin, as her lips moved gracefully with his. They kissed slowly, softly. No tongue, just lips.  
The love she felt for this man bubbled up within her as he held her so carefully against him, touched her so not to aggravate the discolorations on her skin, and it made her feel like she could just break apart in his arms and sob endlessly as they kissed.

He broke the kiss, and maneuvered her until she was straddling him. She flattened her body against his, her breasts pressed against his warm chest, her center brushing along his hard, hot, length, and she found his lips once more.

She sank down on him as they kissed, sighing into his mouth as he filled her. He clutched at her hips, holding her steady but urging her on. Holding his gaze as she rose and fell above him, she splayed her fingers out on his abdomen, feeling his muscles ripple as he shifted his hips to meet hers. She lost herself in the moment, just for a second. She cleared her mind of the darkness that still lay in wait, the ever-constant reminder of all that had occurred in her life. She let herself feel just this moment. No darkness, no evils, no memories of pain, just him - under her, inside her - and the love they shared.

* * *

**A/N: A short chapter for a Sunday.**

**When I started writing this story I honestly never planned it to be quite so fluffy. It was supposed to be all smut, all the time. But these characters always seem to have other plans. **


	11. Chapter 11

_When I'm holding you so _  
_close to me_

* * *

Kate snuggled back against him as he spooned her in his sleep. She pushed her back firmly against his chest, his erection pressing up against her ass. She wiggled her hips a little, teasing him in his sleep, smiling to herself as she did so. Castle made mornings difficult, made her never want to leave his bed. She could easily spend a lazy day curled up with him, not having to think or worry about the world outside. That was how - in a perfect world - she would spend this day.

Just them, in their cocoon, untouchable.

She shifted a little, and turned in his arms. Her movements were a little awkward while the last cobwebs of sleep cleared; her muscles were desperately in need of a good stretch, and her bruises sent little streaks of pain through her each time a tender spot connected with the mattress. Having twisted over a little less gracefully than she would have liked, she was surprised to find he was still sleeping. Nose-to-nose with him now, lying on her side studying his face, she realized he wasn't. Little things gave him away; his eyes may have been closed, his features relaxed, but his breathing wasn't quite as even and slow as it had been moments earlier, and the fact his hand was now cupping her ass made it all quite clear Castle was indeed feigning sleep.

"I know you're awake," she said softly, her lips almost on his.

He didn't open his eyes, but his lips curled up in a smile. "How could you tell."

"I know you."

He opened his eyes then, met hers. He bridged the small distance between them, kissing her good morning. He brushed his lips with hers once more before pulling back. "I don't want to rush you today."

She wouldn't have let him anyway. Anything tackled today needed to be done at her own pace. "Sorry I woke you."

"Don't be," he replied gently. He reached a hand to her face, his fingertips skimming her skin before pushing wayward locks of hair behind her ear. "Look at what I'd be missing if I was still asleep." He watched as she attempted a smile, but her eyes were too overcome with sadness for it to reach them. He rolled onto his back, pulling her down onto his chest. "You okay?" His arms held her close, his hand on her upper arm caressing the answers out of her one rotation of his fingertips at a time.

"I don't know." She traced patterns on his chest with her index finger, keeping her eyes fixed on his skin while her mouth let slip an honest answer.

"Am I to help you figure it out, or keep out of your way today?"

"You wouldn't know how to keep out of my way," she replied lightly. With her eyes on his chest she didn't see his own eyes darken.

"I think you know that's not true."

She exhaled an 'oh' then, realizing he hadn't been joking. "I'd like your help figuring it all out," she replied softly. Shifting off his skin, she slid down onto her side once more, and propped her head up with her hand, her elbow pressed firmly into the pillow and supporting her. She studied his profile, until her eyes on him forced him to turn his head and meet her gaze. "These decisions affect you too."

"They do," he replied. He had moved his hand slightly when she had rolled off him, but he reached out for her once more, linking his fingers with hers.

"It's our life, Castle."

He blinked, and then looked at her in absolute awe; completely silent while he gazed at her, he was struck down by those four words, incapable of anything in that moment except staring stupidly at her.

"You okay, Castle?" She asked, raising her eyebrows at him. Staring into his wide blue eyes the weight of the world felt lifted, even if only for a moment, and she felt lighter.

"Am I okay? What..I..." He spluttered. He composed himself while her eyes twinkled and her face lit up in a grin. "I've listened to you remind me for four years that it's _your_ life. I need to... Well, I need to just sit and digest this for a moment." He pushed himself up, rearranged his pillows behind his back, and sat quietly.

But Kate saw through it, she saw the glee about to burst out of him; she saw the smile - he was barely suppressing - threatening to break out on his face, saw the twinkle in his eyes that even he couldn't hide. "Well, once you've recovered, there's a great expanse of beach calling out to us." She was ready to do this, ready to face this day and be overwhelmed by all the thoughts that would dominate her mind. With him, she could face anything. "You ready to get up?"

Castle broke out of his stupor, lifted the sheet, and glanced down. "Been up since you wiggled your ass against me earlier," he announced proudly. "Don't think I didn't feel that."

Kate laughed, carefree and joyous. This feeling wouldn't last long, so she embraced it, held onto it tightly, clung to it as long as she could. She tugged her hand from his, and gave his shoulder a light, playful, punch. She moved off the bed, and walked into the bathroom, ignoring his light-hearted cries of frustration at her having left him in such a state. She threw a grin over her shoulder at him before closing the bathroom door. Yes, she would probably pay for that later, but that was a punishment she was looking forward to. That was the only thing ahead of her today that she was looking forward to.

* * *

**AN: All I can do is apologise for the delay, and promise smut soon.**


	12. Chapter 12

_Hike up your skirt a little more,_  
_and show the world to me._

* * *

By early afternoon Kate was almost ready to toss a coin, for the all the good over-thinking her decision had done. Baby steps, she had only managed baby steps, and it wasn't enough when full strides were needed, and she knew this. In two days they were heading back to the city. Two short days. She needed to be held in place for a moment, forced to accept the answer her heart already knew. Maybe all she needed was to say it out loud, for the world to hear, for witnesses who would refuse to allow her to take her decision back.  
She also needed a break, just for a hour or so. Time to clear her mind and lose herself in a book, lose herself in someone else's problems - even if fictional - while Castle prepared lunch.

Sitting on the couch, dressed casually in a light summer dress that reached barely to her knees, she wore her swimsuit underneath; it wasn't a bikini, but it was barely a one-piece either. Swimwear had become an almost permanent part of her, a second skin, for the amount of time she had spent wearing it, just in case the ocean called to her again, as it had a tendency to do. As it had already done so that morning, as it would do again an hour or so after lunch. She could let the waves crash over her and allow oblivion to surround her; under the water she could forget about the world above, she could duck and dive, and let the power of the ocean be all that took over her mind. Maybe later, when she couldn't swim anymore, when the sun was low, and the air cooler, when she was forced back indoors, then perhaps she would allow her heart's decision to be heard.

As she shifted position on the couch, her dress shifted higher up her thighs, and it was that moment Castle chose to enter the room. "Lunch is read-"

He stood opposite her, close enough to have a clear view of her thighs, her knees, but not quite touching distance.

He was transfixed, and she felt herself blushing under his gaze. Past moments flashed through her mind, of her standing abruptly upon catching him staring at her ass, of her smiling shyly as he spoke of both admiring and appreciating her legs. There was no need for that now, and she was still getting used to that, still wasn't quite able to cool the warmth spreading across her cheeks.

He swallowed thickly, his eyes still on her. "God you're beautiful."

She felt mildly sunburned and a little tired. Her hair was still damp, curling up wildly around her face, and she was sure her eyes were red from the salt water, but under his gaze she believed his words.

Castle moved to sit beside her on the couch. He took the book from her hands, placing her bookmark in it for her as he did so. He sat it on the couch beside him, and turned to her.  
His fingers dropped lightly onto her thigh, and as they traveled up ever higher he hitched her dress up, until her entire thigh had been revealed to him. His fingers curled around her thigh, squeezed gently, as his other hand came up to tangle in her hair, and his lips found hers.

She would never grow tired of his kisses, his drugging, intoxicating, hot kisses.

His hand moved a little higher, brushing across her smooth, warm thigh, to the apex of her legs. His fingers brushed across the stretchy material at the crotch of her swimsuit. He teased her, caressing her through the material.

Her body responded, sending little shivers of pleasure through her; her legs slipped further apart, giving him better access, and her hips bucked slightly against his hand. She felt the warmth of arousal begin to spread through her, felt herself become wetter and slicker as his fingers glided over her with ease.

He smiled against her lips. His fingers moved her swimsuit to the side, his thumb holding it out of the way while his index finger continued to circle her, tease her, make her ache for him.

He broke the kiss, and shifted down her body, until his knees connected with the floor and he was nestled between her legs. He teased her with his fingers, knowing all she wanted now was for him to touch his tongue to her. He could feel her body tense in anticipation of the wet glide of his tongue, but he waited... waited until she couldn't stand it any longer, until the heady scent of her arousal surrounded him, and drew him in - yet still he held back. His index finger drew tight circles around her clit, building a speed and rhythm that would soon undo her. Her hips, whether she was aware of it or not, tilted up, raised off the couch, her body angling up so that were he to enter her now it would allow for the perfect angle, the right position, to thrust deep within her.

She was panting now; each breath she inhaled was short and sharp, before letting out little moans and sighs - and his name, drawn out and breathy - as she exhaled. He heard a "please", felt her fingers curl at the nape of his neck, drawing him closer, and it was time to give her what she was so desperately craving.

She rested her head back against the top of the couch, and closed her eyes, sighing in pleasure as his tongue finally replaced his fingers. Firm, yet soft, it glided over her, up and down, circled around, before his lips closed around the bundle of nerves and he sucked gently. One hand pressed a thigh further apart, the other kept her swimsuit from being in the way, while his tongue worshiped her.

Her life had never felt more complicated, yet at the same time so simple. Whether she went back to the force, or began a new career, all she knew was that she needed him. Maybe she had always known that, since long before she would even care to admit. The man whose books she had lost herself in after her mom's death, the man who had saved her life with a bottle of champagne, the man whose insight got her further along in her mom's case than she had ever managed on her own. The man currently between her legs about to give her a mind-blowing orgasm with just his goddamn tongue and fingers.

She spread her legs wide, her arm thrown over her eyes, her other hand clutching at him, holding him close, anchoring her. How many fingers did he have pushed deep inside her now? Three? Four? It had to have been all four, because she could feel him everywhere inside her, pressing deep, and hard. His tongue was a rasp of pleasure creating a rhythm that was bringing her ever closer the edge. The pressure within her built and built and built. Her heart pounded wildly in her chest, loud and hard, and she was coiled tight, her body screaming for a release that seemed determined not to come. She was on the precipice, and she just wanted to let go and fall. The heat was almost consuming her, and just when she felt she could take no more, he curled his fingers within her, found the spot, hit it repetitively, his tongue circling her tightly - and she released around him. She stopped breathing for a moment as she hit that glorious peak; her back arched, head back, eyes slammed shut, lips parted. Her body stilled, every muscle tight, before the orgasm washed over her, wave after wave, and, shaking, she slid back down into the couch cushions, her clit pulsing, her muscles clamped around his fingers, holding him insider her.

She needed that. But now, she needs him. Inside her.

She placed her hands on either side of his head; her fingers moved through his hair, pushing him back gently, and broke the contact of his lips against her. He looked up, met her eyes, concerned. But she smiled to show him it was fine, everything was fine, she just needed more. With determination in her eyes, she slid down the couch until her knees connected with the floor and she was straddling him.  
With a grin, Castle bumped his hips up against hers, and gestured to the couch. "Let's move this up there."

"But I just-"

"Trust me," he interrupted her, flashing her a grin. Once she stood, a hand on him for support, he got to his own feet, and then sat on the couch. Tugging on her hand, he brought her down until her shaking knees were pressed into the couch cushions on either side of his thighs. He had already dropped the zipper on his pants, wiggled them down his hips, and she reached down to stroke him. He was hot and hard against her palm, growing with each upward and downward stroke of her hand. She squeezed him gently, and brushed her thumb across the tip of him, spreading the moisture she found there down the length of him.

"God, Kate, stop or I won't-"

"Sorry," she said, giving him a little squeeze, showing she wasn't sorry at all.

"I've been ready since you left me in bed this morning. Please, be humane, put me out of my misery."

She laughed at his theatrics. Holding the base of him in one hand, she held her swimsuit aside with the other, moved her knees up the cushions a little further, until she was positioned just right above him, and sank down. She held him until her own moisture touched her hand and then moved it aside to take him in completely. Her hands moved to grip at his shoulders, and she smiled at him.

"You keep watch over my head in case someone comes to the front door."

Her eyes widened in horror at the thought. There she was, straddling him, in his living room, with the very real threat of Alexis or Martha, or god knows who else, turning up with no notice.

His hands squeezed her hips, and he urged her to move.

A small noise of protest left her lips, but then he thrust his hips off the couch, rotated them, and she suddenly no longer cared about being caught. She dipped her head and pressed her lips to his, tasting herself on them, her hips gyrating against his. She was so slick from her orgasm that he moved easily within her, but that didn't lessen the feel of him, what he did to her. She took him deep, felt him thick and warm inside her, and forced her protesting muscles to work with her, demanded her knees to stop shaking and give her the support she needed. She rose up, and sank back down, and he pushed up as she did so, thrusting in deep with each stroke.

She was caught somewhere between the thrill of being caught, and the sheer terror of knowing that it could be a member of his family who walked in on them. Her lips parted slightly, and as he moved inside her she couldn't help but close her eyes at the sensations he was creating. Each deep thrust teetered between pleasure and pain, and the sensory overload made her incapable of doing anything but cling to him, dip her head, and bite down gently on his shoulder. She leaned her body against his, grazed his skin with her teeth one last time, before she rested her head on his shoulder. It hurt so good as he filled her, and she reveled in it, little gasps leaving her lips with each short breath she took. Sex felt different when love was involved, and she was still learning how to keep her emotions in check when all she wanted to do was tear up over how damn good it all felt.

He kept his momentum, felt his release building. She may have been laying heavy against him, boneless after her orgasm, but she wasn't doing nothing. She was so tight around him, her muscles gripping and releasing around him, almost in time with the beat of his heart. Little words of encouragement left her lips between gasps of breath, urging him to come. He felt her breath against his shoulder, her fingertips grazing his skin, and all the feelings came together to push him ever closer to release. He stilled as he came, his arms around her, holding her close. He twitched within her; his hips jerked, thrust up a few more times, before he could move no more.

* * *

"I was joking, by the way," he told her, holding her close on the couch, sated.

She turned her head, and kissed his neck. "About?" She asked.

"Alexis, and my mother, went back to the city this morning."

Kate narrowed her eyes, pulled back, and swiped at his arm. "You bastard," she muttered, before the laughter took over and she collapsed forward once again, her body pressed against his.

"So, how about lunch?" He murmured against her hair. She made a small noise against him, but neither were in any hurry to move.

* * *

**AN: I cannot begin to describe how this chapter kicked my ass.** **With any luck that battle is won, and the last few chapters will be out quicker.**


	13. Chapter 13

_Oh I watch you there, through the window,_  
_and I stare at you._

* * *

Sitting at the edge of his property, just her short sundress between her skin and the hot sand, Kate readjusted her sunglasses and stared out over the ocean. Even she had to admit she had needed this time in the Hamptons. She had needed time, away from the city, somewhere quieter, to reevaluate her life - to truly allow herself to think about her future. She had spent so many years focusing on her mother's case, so many years with that damn wall in place, that she had struggled to see a future without it all hanging over her, surrounding and suffocating her.

Now she saw a future clearly, and it was with him. That damn, infuriating, handsome man - who was currently watching her through a window on the second floor.

Yeah. She had seen him. She had turned slightly, adjusting her skirt beneath her, and she had caught movement out of the corner of her eye. She had turned away again, facing the ocean, but smirking at his inability to be subtle.

She stretched her arms up high above her head, and then fell back gracefully against the sand. It was hot against her skin, but not painfully so. It was bearable, and would cool quickly. She pulled her knees up, her skirt barely covering her, and pressed the soles of feet into the sand until she could feel the heat between her toes. Her sunglasses weren't enough to keep the glare of the sun from making her squint, so she closed her eyes, and let herself relax into the moment - well aware he was still watching her.

From where she lay, there was no way to tell if he was concerned about her, watching over her, or simply perving at her. Knowing Castle it was all three at the same time.

She understood his concerns, regarding her resignation, and she appreciated that even when she was minutes from falling asleep on a quiet section of beach under the hot sun he still had her back.

She heard footsteps approaching, the sound of feet being slowed by sand. A shadow fell over her, and she opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"Remember what happened the last time you were in the sun too long."

"Just a few more minutes," she replied. "I'm recharging."

"Didn't realize you were solar-powered."

She smiled at his words. "I'm like a cat."

Kate sat up and glanced down at her cellphone, alerts showing more missed calls and ignored messages. She needed to make this decision without Ryan's clear-thinking, without Esposito's straight-talking, without Lanie's sympathy. She needed to make it without seeing Gates' disappointed eyes boring into her.

"Don't get me wrong, Castle," she told him as he moved to sit beside her. "I've enjoyed this time here, just us, alone. I've needed the time to figure this all out. Coming here, with you, has been cathartic."

"I sense a but."

"But,' she said, smiling, "I miss my job."

"I know you do."

She turned to him, took his hand in hers, graced him with a bright smile. "I miss everything, everyone. I even miss Gates a little."

"They all miss you too," he noted, his eyes glancing down to her phone.

She picked it up in her free hand, and nodded at the display. "What would Nikki Heat do?"

"What her heart told her to," he replied easily.

"My heart tells me to go back," she replied softly.

"I know it does." He paused, squeezed her hand. "Whether this complicates things or not, I don't know. But you should go back, Kate."

"You'd come back with me."

It wasn't a question, but he nodded all the same. "I'd follow you anywhere."

She sighed then. "We assume Gates will take us back."

Castle raised an eyebrow. "You have doubts?"

"You weren't there, Castle." Her tone was darker now, harsher. "You didn't see her face as Ryan hauled me up from the ledge. And you didn't hear her words when she suspended Esposito and I."

"You said a couple of days ago that she almost looked upset that you had resigned. She knows you're one of her best detectives, Kate. She's still learning how to control you, that's all."

"We're both a little reckless, you and I," Kate told him. "That might never change."

"So, let Gates think she's in control."

She pressed her lips tightly together, considered his words. "Yeah. If she'll even give me the opportunity to speak with her."

"She will," Castle replied without even needing to think about it. He squeezed her hand again. "Come inside now," he told her gently. "I have lemonade and cookies."

She smiled at him. "Well, how can I resist that?"

He pulled her to her feet, and then pulled her against him. "I'm glad you're listening to your heart," he said, his lips less than an inch from brushing hers.

"I am too," she replied, hoping she didn't regret it the moment she stepped foot into Gate's office. Pushing it aside, she pressed her lips to his, and kissed him sweetly. "Come on, Castle," she said, having pulled back. "Lemonade and cookies." She tugged at his hand, and led him up the short path to the house. Tomorrow would be their last full day here, and like a Sunday was tarnished by the approaching work week, it would hold some sadness for her. Tonight, however, sugary treats and his love could help hold the melancholy at bay – if only until the sun rose on their final day in the Hamptons.

* * *

**AN: Short Sunday chapter :-) The end is near, folks.**


	14. Chapter 14

_You wear nothing,_  
_but you wear it so well. _

* * *

Castle lay on his side on the bed, watching Kate. She sat in the large bay window, naked, the moonlight turning her golden skin silver.  
Her knees were pulled up to her chest, her thighs pressing tight against her breasts, and should anyone walk past outside on the beach and happen to look up, they would see the profile of a naked woman, gazing out at the night sky, contemplating her life.

"Be careful you don't end up on page six," he murmured.

She hadn't expected to hear his voice; she thought she had managed to ease herself off the bed without disturbing him. She turned to him, her eyes finding him in the darkness. "I think I'm safe," she replied.

"You okay?" He asked.

She smiled. "I am, actually." She turned back to gaze out the window. "Just wanted to watch the sunrise."

He pushed the sheet aside, and sat on the side of the bed. He briefly contemplated joining her in the window, before reaching for his robe, tying it low on his hips, and padding over in bare feet to where she sat. He handed Kate's robe to her, and reached for her hand to help her to her feet. "Come with me."

She didn't know what he was planning, but she trusted him. She slipped into her robe, tying it loosely around her waist, and followed him down the staircase. Neither spoke as he opened the front door, allowed her to step through, then followed behind her. She stopped when she reached the end of the short path, not knowing where he was planning to take her. He took her hand, and led her across the flat sand, down to the water's edge.

It was still cool out. The temperature had dropped over night, and a light breeze flapped the ends of her robe and reminded her she was wearing nothing underneath.

He sat on the dry sand, the incoming tide lapping inches from his toes, and tugged her down beside him.

"Last day here," she said, leaning her side against his, her head on his shoulder.

He smiled at her, before wrapping an arm around her shoulder and holding her close. "We can come back anytime you want. Just say the word."

"Sssshhh," she told him softly. "Sun's coming up."

She shivered slightly against his side as the cool breeze chilled her skin, and she pressed her body more firmly to his, seeking his warmth.

He didn't speak further, allowing her to watch the sunrise in the silence she was craving. This day needed to count. It had to be special. For her. For them.

* * *

**AN: All together now: aaaawwwwwwww**


	15. Chapter 15

_Tied up and twisted,_  
_the way I'd like to be._

* * *

Kate had sat, clad in a thin robe, on the warming sand at the water's edge, gazing out across the white and blue landscape, long after he had retreated back inside to leave her with her thoughts. Only once dawn had colored her surroundings, and the day had warmed, had she finally agreed to move from her place beside the incoming tide.

She had followed him back inside, watched him prepare breakfast, smiling lazily as he moved around the kitchen demonstrating the "proper" way to scramble eggs. She had wanted nothing more than to kiss his smirking mouth, and drag his smug ass back up to the bedroom.  
This was their last full day here, and she could happily spend it doing nothing but laying at his side, wrapped in his arms, and forgetting the world outside the bedroom. But she ate the eggs, admitting through bites that they were pretty damn good, accepted the coffee, and sat downstairs with him, just enjoying the tranquility of the moment.

It didn't scare her that she could get used to eating breakfast with Castle every morning after rising from his bed.  
No. It terrified her that she was already used to it, and the thought of going back to the city - back to her apartment alone - made her more than a little sad.  
And it wasn't just that. She would have to return to the precinct, and speak with Gates about her job. She would have to apologize to Ryan and Lanie for ignoring them, and face Espo, her ever loyal friend.

She looked up to find Castle's big blue eyes fixed on her watching her intently.

"Don't think about it today, Kate," he told her gently.

There was no need to ask if she was okay. He knew she wasn't. Their last day was marred by the reality of life back in the city. Of her job, their colleagues and friends, and knowing Maddox was still out there and her life was still in danger.  
It had been too easy to forget about it all, and they never should have allowed themselves to be so carefree, so complacent. It was going to be difficult to readjust, to return to their usual ways of thinking, and keep going.

The relationship they had started only one week earlier, the one that had grown and evolved in just seven days, would not be the same when they returned. It was going to get hard; he wasn't stupid, and he knew there would be arguments, about her mom's case and the dark threat of Maddox's existence. He was aware she was going to start pulling back; she would return to the Beckett he knew, the one who kept her emotions in check, who pulled back when she was hurting or scared, and who was scared of giving herself so completely to a relationship.

He could handle her, of course. Give her space, give her time, help her when she allowed it, love her and hold her, and do what he had always done. Still, he'd had a taste of a carefree, open Kate - and now he had experienced her that way he couldn't lose her to herself again.

"I can't help it," she whispered. She pushed her plate away, done with the food, and reached for his hand.

He wrapped his hand in hers, their fingers entwined, and gave her a hopeful smile. His eyes shifted down to her long neck, to the place, between her breasts, where her mother's ring once rested.

"I've noticed," Castle began slowly.

"What?" Kate asked. She watched as his eyes dropped to her chest, but not in a lewd way.

"You haven't worn your mother's ring all week."

She nodded. "What else have you noticed, Castle?"

His eyes flicked to her wrist of the hand he wasn't holding, as she rested it on the table. "At first I thought perhaps you just didn't want to get it wet, but you never put it back on."

She dropped his hand and rubbed subconsciously at her left wrist. It felt so much lighter without her father's watch around it. She felt lighter in general, the ring, and the watch now gone, the weight of the world lifted.

She smiled up at him. The day could wait. She needed him now. She stood, and moved to stand beside him. "C'mon, Castle," she said, a suggestive edge to her tone.

He stood, but frowned slightly. "Where are we going?"

"You wonderful, dense man," she said lightly, grinning at him. She moved away from him, an exaggerated swing to her hips as she walked. She stopped at the base of the staircase, and threw him a flirtatious smile over her shoulder. "Where do you think?"

* * *

Naked and sated, and restrained, Kate shook her head at him. "Leave me like this, Castle."

Kate's words stopped him as he moved to undo the silk scarves he had earlier looped around the headboard, and her wrists. He met her eyes, raised his eyebrows "Tied to my bed in the Hamptons forever?" He liked the thought of it, even if the reality was a little sinister.

She nodded. "Don't untie me. I'm happy here." Her tone was dreamy, her eyes shifting to gaze out the window.

Her words broke his heart immediately. The heavy, suffocating weight of sadness washed over him; his chest constricted, and breathing became difficult. "Kate," he began as he moved to sit beside her and block her view, forcing her to look at him.

She saw his heart breaking before her very eyes, and it almost broke hers. "At least promise me we can come back soon."

"I already did. Any weekend you want, remember? Just say the word."

She felt tears well, escape. It felt good to hear him say it again, reassuring and real. "I love you, Rick."

He leaned down, kissed her tears as they trailed down her cheeks, moved the salty taste of her to her lips so she could taste it too. "Always," he said against her lips, making contact with her skin enough so she could feel the words against them. He pressed his lips to hers, her mouth opening to him, moving with his.

He could feel her body moving as she tugged at the restraints, needing to touch him but unable to do so.

She pulled back, and sighed in frustration. "I take it back. Untie me. I want to touch you when you kiss me."

* * *

**AN: One more chapter left. Thanks for sticking with this one, which diverted wildly from the original kinky sex prompt. But these characters NEVER do what _I_ want them to.**


	16. Chapter 16

_For you, for me, _  
_come crash into me._

* * *

They returned to the city, skin tanned, eyes shining, both altered in their own ways by the week on the beach.

Kate had faced all her friends. She had stopped by Espo's apartment, thanked him for his loyalty, and then told him he could never allow her to be so reckless again. He had nodded solemnly, and with a hand lightly touching her arm, had told her to see Lanie, demand to see the body she had autopsied that very morning. With fear and uncertainty gripping her heart, she entered the morgue. Maddox was dead. Standing in the morgue, she realized, as macabre as it may have seemed, she _needed_ to see his body, to see with her own eyes that her sniper was dead. Gone. Her friend's compassionate eyes watched her as her own laid upon the cold, pale face of the man who had tried to end her life. The body covered once more, she had hugged Lanie, relief washing over her, and promised to catch her up on the week she had been out of touch. Finally, she paused at Ryan's desk, on her way to speak with Gates, and hugged him for pulling her from the ledge, and saving her life. He was quiet, distracted, and she felt his eyes on her, watching her walk away.

With Castle's words in her head, she had walked with confidence, head held high, proud determination burning in her eyes, through the bullpen to Gates' office. Ryan may have been concerned over her future at the precinct, but she had faith in her ability to be persuasive, yet pithy, and doubted Gates would deny her a place at the Twelfth. She spoke her case, fighting passionately for her job, and, as Gates slowly agreed to allow her to return, she felt her knees weaken and her legs struggle to hold her up as the wave of relief washed over her. She was still on administrative leave, but it was enough for her that her career was intact. _For now._

She could let Gates think she had all the control, all the while never really giving it up.

But Beckett had never been more wrong about control in her life.

* * *

"Beckett, before you go, I have something for you."

It didn't go unnoticed that _detective_ had been missing, but that wasn't what made Kate blink in confusion. It was too soon for her badge, and for her gun. She hesitated as Gates handed her a small piece of folded paper, but accepted it, unable to keep the anxiety currently rising within her from showing in her eyes. She unfolded it as Gates watched on, read the two names on the paper, and looked up at Gates. Perplexed by the names, she felt an air of unease settle over the room. There was something foreboding about the look in Gates' eyes, about the fact these names, whatever they meant, had been handed to her rather than spoken. She didn't dare guess what it all meant, but in her heart she was sure she already knew. "I don't understand. Who are these people?"

Gates, in a low, controlled tone, spoke the words that would stay with Kate the rest of her life. "They are the people responsible for your mother's murder."

And then, just like that, after more than a decade, she had their _names. _On a piece of nondescript paper, torn from a small notepad, were the two names she had searched her whole adult life for, scrawled in Ryan's familiar handwriting, and in her hands.

Her heart pounded in her chest, and the world around her disappeared in a haze of terror and relief. She hadn't even realized Gates was speaking to her again until she felt a hand on her arm, requesting her attention. She looked up and met Gates' eyes, eyes that were filled with more warmth than she had ever seen.

"I said we're bringing them in now," Gates repeated. "I assume you'd like to be here."

Kate blinked a couple of times in rapid succession. She opened her mouth, but the words took a little longer to form than she had anticipated. She had their _names. _

_She would see their faces_.

"I'm on administrative leave," she forced out, her voice raw with emotion.

"I'm allowing this, _Kate_."

Kate clutched the piece of paper in her hand, crumpling it in her fist. "In the room?" She asked. If this was really happening, she needed to face them, force them to look into the eyes of the daughter they had almost destroyed that day.

Gates shook her head. "No. From the observation room only."

Kate considered it, but it wasn't enough. "But, Sir-"

"No." Gates stood firm. "In the observation room, or not at all. Those are the conditions." She held Beckett's eyes, softened her own for a moment to add, "I shouldn't be allowing this at all."

"Fine," she conceded. "Thank you, Sir."

"Don't make me regret this," Gates warned, her iciness returning.

"I won't. You have my word."

"Take her to observation room number two, Mr Castle."

Kate turned in surprise at the mention of Castle's name.

"Castle?" She breathed.

He stood inside Gates office. Beckett, so overwhelmed by the enormity of the moment hadn't even heard the door open, hadn't been aware of his presence. "Captain Gates called me," he told Kate gently, nodding at Gates in a grateful, silent, thank you.

"She probably thinks you can keep me from entering the room," Kate replied sadly, knowing those thoughts should have stayed silent.

"You enter that room, and you will never work in this city again. Do you hear me?"

Anger boiled up within her. "Yes, Sir," she replied through gritted teeth.

Castle kept his response to himself. Kate didn't need to hear that he would indeed do whatever it took to keep her from entering the interrogation room. Understanding completely the scale of what he could lose because of it.

He nodded to Gates, and led Kate silently from the office and into the observation room. Once the door was closed, he turned to her, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Gates is handling this," he told her. His voice was firm, his eyes boring into her. "Trust her, Kate."

"How am I supposed to trust her, Castle?" She asked, anger in her tone. "This goes as high as _congress_. How do I trust _anyone?_" Tears threatened, she felt them begin to well in her eyes, but she blinked them back. She would not cry, not yet.

"You trust me?"

She blew air out through her lips, exasperated by such a question. "You know I do."

"I trust Gates."

Kate laughed humorlessly. "Your track record for trusting people leaves a lot to be desired, Castle."

Her words cut deep, reopened old wounds. He let it show in his eyes as he held her gaze. "Beckett-"

She sighed at the use of her last name, and interrupted him before he could should her. "I'm sorry," she said, quickly but sincerely. "I just want to be in that room, Castle."

"But you can't," he reminded her. "That is a huge gift she is giving you by even allowing you to be here at all right now. Take what you have been given, Kate. Be happy with it."

She shifted her gaze to look through the glass and into the empty interrogation room beyond. "Don't think for a second I couldn't overpower you and go in there."

"I would never underestimate you."

She met his eyes again, and hers softened. "I'm scared, Rick."

"I know you are, and it's okay."

She passed him the piece of paper, her hand shaking as she did so. "It's almost over," she whispered as he took the paper from her and read it.

The door to the interrogation room opened; she turned her head quickly to look into the room, and suddenly the names had faces. Kate stood stock-still, fixed in place by the figures stepping into the room. She was torn, between memorizing them, committing every part of them to her memory, and turning away so she would never see their faces again.

Castle watched her wrestle with her feelings. Maddox was dead. The last pieces of the puzzle had just been pressed into place. It was almost over. Her mother's murder was about to be officially solved - and she would be safe.

Safe.

That was all he cared about, her safety, her life.

Neither spoke as Gates worked her magic. He had kept a distance from her throughout the interrogation, until a soft gasp left her lips as Gates came down hard on the two people in the room, and he carefully reached for her hand. He rested his hand over hers, letting his fingers slip between hers. She turned her palm, and curled her fingers around his, squeezing gently.

She was okay.

And when it was over she held strong. She waited, until she had been given the all-clear from Castle, before leaving the observation room. She kept her emotion in check as she entered Gates' office. She didn't cry as she thanked Gates.

"I know this has been a long time coming, _Detective_," Gates said, allowing a ghost of a smile to briefly lift her features, before disappearing again as though it had never happened. "You have a week of administrative leave left before I will need you here to wrap up this case. I'll need you here one hundred percent. So get some rest."

She almost laughed at Gates' words. If only the Captain knew exactly what she had been getting up to with Castle the past week. Rest was not exactly what either did after falling into bed each night. But she nodded, suppressing her smile. "Thank you, Sir. Again. Thank you so much."

"Go home. I'll see you on Monday."

She moved to take a step away from Gates' desk, before pausing, needing to ask, "And Esposito?"

Kate smiled just slightly at the affirmative nod she received in response. She turned, and exited the office quietly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears as she met up with Castle beside her vacant desk, Ryan watching on intensely.

"How?" She asked softly.

Ryan shook his head. "We'll talk soon," he promised. "Don't worry about it tonight."

She didn't like the way Ryan's eyes looked now, couldn't bear to see him appear so haunted, so changed. She exhaled a shaky breath, too overwhelmed by the past hour to be able to stay in precinct any longer. "Let's get out of here, Castle."

"I'll take you home."

She led him to the elevator, punched the button, and stepped in first once the doors had opened. After they closed again, and it was just the two of them, alone, she said, "Take me to _your_ home." She looked up at him, her eyes pleading with him to not leave her alone tonight.

"That's what I meant," he replied softly. He saw her composure crack then. He saw everything she had been holding in start to come to the surface. Her lips wavered, and her shoulders hunched, and combined it was enough for him to know that she was crumbling.  
He didn't hesitate, didn't care if she tried to push him away, as he turned and wrapped her in his arms. He was prepared for the struggling, for her to fight his embrace. He wasn't prepared for her to give into the comfort and rest her weight against him. She pressed her face into his shoulder, and he felt her body shake as she let out a silent sob against his shirt. Her arms were pressed up between their bodies, her arms drawn up, her fists clenched between their chests, but she didn't move to wrap them around him and return the embrace. He rubbed her back, stroked her hair, whispered soothing, almost nonsense, words into her hair, and continued to do so until she was ready to pull away.

Kate kept the tears somewhat controlled, allowing just a few to escape and trail down her cheeks. They were almost at the ground floor, and she would have to leave the confines of the elevator soon. She knew this. The deluge could be released later. She pulled away before they reached the ground floor, smoothed her hair, wiped under eyes, down her cheeks. She regained her composure. For now.

* * *

They entered the loft, and she had no idea what to expect. She didn't expect to be wrapped up in Martha's arms the moment she crossed the threshold, didn't expect to feel Alexis' hand on her arm at the same time. The two women surrounded her, soothing her with their touch.

When she was released, she glanced up at Castle in a haze of emotion.

"I may have told them what was happening before I left," he admitted.

It made her a little angry, her emotions too high to deal with it properly. But she smiled through it, even though it didn't quite reach her eyes.

Martha saw her discomfort. "Alexis and I will be upstairs," she said gently, looping her arm through the teen's.

She swallowed down the lump that had settled in her throat the moment Gates had handed her the note. "Oh no, Martha, Alexis, please that's not necessary," Kate told them, forcing the words out. She loathed the thought of making them uncomfortable in their own home.

"Nonsense," Martha replied. With a flourish, she turned, and led Alexis with her. "We can keep ourselves entertained." Martha glanced at Alexis, who nodded, smiling. "Good night, Richard, darling Kate, we shall see you both in the morning."

Castle bid them both goodnight. He turned to Kate, found her gazing off into the distance, and nudged her gently with his elbow. "Drink?"

She exhaled slowly, feeling like she'd been holding her breath since Gates' office. "Yes. Please." It wasn't a celebratory drink, that would come later. There was still too much ahead of them, too much to wrap up.

She followed him into the kitchen, helped by retrieving a couple of glasses from the cupboard. She arranged them on the counter, took the bottle from his hands and put it down beside the glasses, and then placed her hands on either side of his face and pulled him in for a kiss.

He returned the kiss, pulling her body against his, his hands resting on her hips, his fingers pressing lightly into her soft flesh through her light summer shirt.

Her hands moved up his back, her body finally able to respond to a comforting touch. She held him tight to her as their lips moved, slow and languid. She wished the kiss was enough, that the emotion that poured out between her silent lips was enough for him to understand just how sorry she was. But the words needed to be spoken, away from the precinct. He deserved to hear her apology, and not just feel it.

She pulled back, resting her forehead against his and breathing deeply. Her eyes were downcast, unable to meet his. "I'm sorry for what I said to you earlier, Castle."

Her breath fanned out across his face, and he breathed her in. He took a step back, and forced her to meet his eyes. "Come, sit. We need to talk."

With the wine glasses in one hand, and the bottle in the other, he walked through his livingroom. She tilted her head, wondering where exactly he was leading her. When she entered his office to find him leaning against his desk, she realized it wasn't to the bedroom. She felt a slight ache in her heart, knowing things needed to be worked through before she stepped back into that room. He reached a hand out for hers as she stopped to stand before him.

"Don't think," he began, keeping his voice low, "that I'm going to let things slide now that we're in relationship." He held up a hand to silence her. "You can get mean when you're angry, and you do this by bringing up past mistakes of mine. Yes, Damian Westlake was a mistake, but he was one that I have learned from, Kate. You cannot keep bringing him up every time trust is mentioned. I know you were trying to get me to let you go, but there was nothing you could have said that would had made me let you out of that room."

"I know," she replied softly.

"Like you said, Kate. We both know you could have overpowered me. But you knew you couldn't risk entering that room. This is too important."

She nodded. "I am sorry, Castle."

"I understand that today has been monumental. I do. I'm a writer, but even I cannot imagine the emotions you have been through, are going through, and the ones yet to hit. I can't even begin to understand what's going on inside your head and your heart right now. And I freely admit that."

"So you've had a taste of what a relationship with me is going to be like. You can leave now if you want."

"Are you kidding me, Kate?" He shook his head in disbelief. "I look forward to every frustrating and challenging moment."

The beginnings of a smile tugged at her lips. She had heard those words before. "I tried," she began, choosing her words, "I tried so hard to figure out who I was without my mom's case. While we were in the Hamptons I thought maybe I was learning myself. Now," she paused to let a mirthless chuckle escape. "Well, I'll have no choice but to find out. The journey isn't over, but the most important part has been answered. I know who, Castle. After all these years. And not only that but we have them." Her shoulder's shook slightly as she inhaled little gasps of air. She could feel the tears welling up inside, could feel the emotion about to be released, and, suddenly, she didn't care. A tear slipped out, another swiftly followed. He reached for her, and she stepped into his arms. She pressed her face into his chest, his shift bunched between her fists, and she cried openly and freely against him.

Her body was wracked with sobs, her makeup leaving stains on his shirt, but he only held her tighter. His hands stroked her back, not so much to calm her but to let her know he was there for her. She needed to get it all out. She had been holding it all in for too long. He whispered "I love you" against her hair, pressed soft kisses to her forehead, her hairline, over and over and over, long after she had calmed and the tears had subsided.

The week they'd had in the Hamptons had been cathartic, something both of them had needed, but they were back to reality now. They needed to move forward and make this relationship work in their real lives, for the rest of their lives, and not just in the carefree fantasy they had lived for seven days.

But he had no doubts that they could do it. Because for the first time in his life he wanted it to last forever – and she was going to have to do more than to allow her anger to bring out her mean streak if she wanted to push him away.

He knew, in the days, weeks, and years that followed, that there would be anger, and there would be tears and pain. But he also knew there would be more love, more passion, and more laughter, than heartache. And he knew that she would still raise her eyebrows at him when she caught him staring at her ass, and that she would still chastise him for the double-entendres. Because it was all a part of their relationship, part of what made them _them_, and it wouldn't stop simply because he had seen her naked - more than a few times already.

Tomorrow, the day after, whatever they brought, it would all be revealed in time.

And the Hamptons would always be there. She just had to say the word.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, the final chapter has a very different tone, but I needed to show them being hit hard by reality, really getting thumped by their real lives, and to get a small glimpse of just how challenging I think this relationship is going to be for both of them. I just had to wrap up her mom's case a bit there (while still keeping it all a mystery, because I won't even try to pretend I know how Marlowe and co. will wrap it up themselves) so now they can truly move forward and figure out their lives without that hanging over them. So, no final sex scene, and I know this story deviated wildly from the initial prompt of a kinky fun post-finale story, and, while I never intended it to go this way, I let it lead me. I may not do that again, but the journey was interesting.**

**So leave your final thoughts (or post-_Always_ fangirly squees BECAUSE I'M STILL NOT OVER IT) in that little review box below.  
**

**Prompts are also welcome.  
**

_**Crash into Me**_** lyrics belong to Dave Matthews Band. I was just borrowing them for my own dirty purposes.**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: So I thought I had finished this story, and then this happened...  
**

**SPOILERS! 5.03 'Kinky Box' reference, mixed in with 5.04 promo spoilers. Written in my ****_Crash Into Me _****AU world, with show canon weaved through (just go with it). **

_When I'm swimming in your seas and in your oceans,_

_I can feel the wave crash into me.**  
**_

* * *

The silence bothered him. The loft was lively enough; his mother still burst through the door with her usual exuberance announcing updates on her day, and descended the stairs with the same old flourish to join him for meals. Kate spent evenings, and night after night his bed was put through stress tests. But the silence of an empty room, one inhabited by his baby girl for eighteen years, broke his heart. He needed to get out, away from the emptiness, away from the vacuum created by that one bedroom upstairs, and forget the changes for a while.

* * *

He placed a cup of coffee down beside her at her desk while she sat, slumped at the shoulders, her eyelids weighed down by paperwork. One hand held a pen, the other rubbed away a tension headache between her eyes, but she looked up at the sound of the ceramic connecting gently with wood, and smiled at him despite her exhaustion.

"So, I've been thinking," he began, sitting in his usual chair, placing his own coffee down, growing serious.

She frowned slightly, pen and hand now both resting on the desk, other hand poised to curl around her mug but frozen less than an inch from the warmth. Her eyes locked on his, and she waited.

"And I feel now is the time to reiterate that should you need to get away for a weekend all you need to do is _say the words_." He spoke slowly, clearly.

Relief flooded her. Her fingers found the coffee mug. She slid it along the flat surface of her desk to bring it closer, and wrapped both hand around the cup as she smiled at him. "So, Castle," she began, her voice low, but her eyes shining. "Hamptons? Whaddya say?"

"I say the moment we get out of here on Friday we leave this city behind."

Just them. Alone. She sighed happily. "Sounds perfect."

* * *

Ryan had a big mouth. "Hey, did you hear about Beckett's weekend?" No, scratch that. Lanie, Esposito, and Ryan all had big mouths. In that order. Lanie had invited her out, Beckett had declined since she had plans with her "boyfriend", and word had spread down the list just as expected.

And Castle, ever loyal, ever frustrating, played along. "No," he replied, his eyebrows raised in interest, his tone that of someone not up with the gossip. "Big plans?"

Kate just wanted to kiss that innocence right off his face in front of everyone.

"She's going away with her _boyfriend_." And the way Ryan sing-songed the last word just made her want to smack him.

"Oh, boyfriend? Beckett, really?" Castle added, for good measure.

Before she pulled her gun on the lot of them she opted to get up and walk away. While necessary, the ribbing she was taking from Castle was beginning to bother her. Maybe it was about time he got a _girlfriend_ just to shift some of the attention.

She didn't even bid them goodbye. As she walked away she simply raised her hand in a wave that could have almost doubled for a 'screw you', and didn't look back. She heard footsteps approach as she waited for the elevator, recognized his scent, and smiled.

The doors opened, and he followed behind her. Both were silent until the doors had closed, shielding them from the prying eyes and ears of the precinct. He reached for her hand once they were alone, squeezing it. "I'm sorry," he told her gently.

"I know," she replied. She wouldn't allow herself to become angry over it. Turning to face him, she graced him with a forgiving smile. "Take me away from here, Castle."

And he did.

* * *

His Hamptons home never failed to take her breath away. She knew he had money, and he was good at reminding her, but long after the wow factor of his loft had worn off, his home in the Hamptons continued to floor her. While this may have only been the second time she had stayed there, she doubted the feelings it incited within would ever wear off. Expansive grounds, sweeping views, and of course the pool that was indeed just as perfect for skinny dipping as he had once suggested so long ago now.

They shared a meal and a bottle of Syrah on his couch, soft lights and low music creating an ambiance that soothed away her tension, impatience, and frustrations until she felt like she could breathe again.

Turned toward one another, knees brushing, she asked, "So, you'd been thinking, huh?"

He nodded over the rim of his wine glass. "It's rare, but it happens." He pushed his lips out slightly, before the corners turned up into a smirk.

"And what thoughts, exactly, led us here this weekend?"

His smirk faded. "An empty bedroom."

"Alexis." She knew. She had seen the change in him since Alexis had moved into her dorm room, seen the change in him since a bedroom once filled with eighteen years of memories had been boxed up and moved out. She had helped him unpack the boxes Alexis had chosen to leave behind, and handed the items to him, silent as he had placed them back where they belonged. Afterwards, she had held him, pressed her body tight to his, and together they had created enough noise to drown out the silence haunting him.

Her phone rang on the coffee table before he could respond, the noise and vibrations startling them both, and he instinctively reached for it. "Castle!" She hissed, batting his hand around and taking possession of her phone.

"Right. Sorry."

Kate rolled her eyes, and took the call. An apology from Ryan for intruding, then an update on the case. A mention of inviting Castle to the Old Haunt, and a final 'won't be the same without you.'  
She smiled at his words, thanked him, and ended the call. "You're about to get a call from Ryan."

"About?"

"Drinks at the Old Haunt tonight."

"I'll ignore it."

"Castle!" Kate admonished.

"Less suspicious than telling him I already have plans."

Kate sighed. "How much longer can we do this, Castle?"

Castle opened his mouth to reply, when his own phone buzzed. He pulled it out, looked at the display, before silencing it and placing it back in his pocket. "As long as we have to," he replied solemnly.

The mood was waning. Enough. Kate downed the last mouthful of red wine, stood, and held a hand to him. "Come," she said gently.

He tilted his head quizzically, but didn't resist. He finished his glass, and linked his fingers through hers. She led him up the stairs to their bedroom, and pulled him in for a long, slow kiss. Her hands slipped under his shirt, her fingers desperate for his warmth. She trailed up his back with her fingertips while her lips moved with his. She tasted hints of the chocolate dessert on his tongue, the peppery undertones of the Syrah, and him. One of his hands tangled in her hair, his fingers running through the loose curls, while his other hand curled at her waist, under her top, tickling her unintentionally. She squirmed, laughed as she broke the kiss. He nipped at her lips one more time, his fingers running along the sensitive spot he had just found, teasing her. "I owe you, Castle," she reminded him, dropping her hands from his back and peeling his fingers from her.

"You owe me?" He leaned back a little, watched her curiously. Both his hands fell to her hips, keeping them outside her clothing, not pushing his luck with the tickling despite how much he loved her little squirms and the noises that left her lips. "For what?"

"A certain auction win from a couple of weeks ago."

"Now?" He asked, his eyes wide, his smile hopeful.

"Mmhmmm," she replied. She stepped back out of his arms, and smiled over her shoulder as she bent down to retrieve a small overnight bag beside her suitcase. Legs straight, bent at the waist, she lingered as she picked up the bag, allowing him just a moment longer to appreciate the view. She straightened, turned to him, the bag in her arms and cradled against her chest. "This," she said, her voice low and thick with arousal, "is my 'kinky box'."

His jaw almost hit the floor. He swallowed thickly, his eyes fixed solely on the small bag.

She stepped around him, grinning, and sashayed her way into the en-suite. "No peeking, Castle," she warned. "I won't be long." She closed the door.

* * *

He sank down onto the mattress, his legs no longer able to hold him up. "God, please don't be long," he croaked out. He loosened the top button of his shirt, toed off his shoes, and summoned all his willpower to keep from bolting off the bed and throwing open the bathroom door.

Damn, he loved this woman.

* * *

**TBC... ;-)**


	18. Chapter 18

_Oh I wanna play with you._

* * *

She has this down to a fine art.

In the harsh lighting of the small bathroom she slipped out of her clothes, and began to wrap the non-adhesive dark red fetish tape up and around. It stuck to her like sexy cling film, and covered just enough. She checked her work in the mirror, one corner of her lips curling up at what she saw reflected in the glass. It covered barely anything at all.

If only she'd had access to police tape. Next time, perhaps.

Leather buckle handcuffs dangling from a finger, she grinned broadly as she opened the bathroom door - and stood before him.

* * *

No matter how often she managed it rendering Castle speechless never got old.

A noise did reach her ears although it was unintelligible, and little more than a vibration of sound that escaped his lips a second before he sucked in a surprised breath. She blinked as she jutted out a hip, standing beneath the door frame, caught between retreating back into the bathroom, and stepping towards him. Her bravado exactly that, the insecurities began to surface. Ice-cubes, strawberries, cuffs and satin restraints. The Hampton's home had seen it all. Every time she tested the boundaries she feared the next push would be too much. Still she pushed. That was what he wanted. Didn't he?

"Sorry, didn't quite catch that," she teased, keeping her confidence, her courage, suppressing the fears and concerns.

His face changed then. The shift was subtle, his lips came together, and small frown lines appeared between curious eyes.

It was enough.

Her heart dropped; in a split second her confidence shattered, and she couldn't swallow down the lump that had formed in her throat.

"You don't like it," she surmised, shifting her weight and pulling in her hip, deflating before him. The leather cuffs slipped from her fingers, dropping to the floor with a soft thud.

"No, I..." He stood, clad only in his boxers after stripping down while waiting for her, and smiled reassuringly. "Don't get me wrong, Kate, you look _amazing_."

She felt her lower lip trembling slightly, and caught it between her teeth. Her eyes locked on his, wide and unsure. She had pushed too hard, taken it all too far. "But?" She asked after releasing her lip.

"You don't have to do this," he told her, spreading his arms wide. "You are beautiful without all this." He was drawing a criss-cross pattern in the air now, his index finger following the path of the tape across her torso. "Do you think I need this?"

She crossed her arms over her chest, covering herself and feeling foolish. "I thought-" She sighed, shook her head. "I thought wrong, never mind."

"Did you really have a kinky box?"

She pursed her lips. "I may have purchased a few things..."

He bridged the distance between them, sorry for ever speaking up. "I don't want you to feel like we need to step it up a notch each time. We're just a few more rounds away from acting out scenes from _Fifty Shades of Grey_, and let me tell you I really have no intention of going _there_," he told her, shuddering slightly as he named the book he'd rather not speak of.

Her fingers toyed with an end of the tape, and she peeled it away slowly. She hadn't meant for the action to be sexy, she was just trying to get out of the tape when she heard the low growl. Glancing up, she met his eyes, saw the arousal darkening them, and took a chance.

She shifted her weight, jutting her hip out once more, and the tape pulled against her as she moved. "You need to unwrap me soon, Castle," she told him seductively, feeling braver once more. "I'm feeling a little restrained."

His palms pressed into her flesh, sliding against the shiny tape, as he pushed her back against the door frame, dipped his head, and claimed her mouth. Her soft lips, coated with a strawberry-flavored gloss, met his. All sweetness and wet heat her mouth moved with his, opening as his tongue glided across the seam of her smiling lips. She nipped at his lower lip, sucked his top lip between hers, and then allowed his tongue entry into her mouth.

She lost herself in the feel of him pressed to her, of his mouth so skilled at keeping a rhythm amidst needy kisses. Intoxicated by his fingertips grazing her skin, drugged by his mouth slanted over hers, she needed more before this alone sent her tumbling over the precipice of release.

Sliding her lips away from his, sighing at the loss of him, she raised up on the tips of her toes, and wrapped a long, toned leg high around his thigh. She pressed her lithe body to his, her bronzed skin, and the smooth red tape, gliding up his torso as she lifted herself up, balancing on the ball of her foot. She leaned over, her lips brushing his lobe, traced the curve of his ear, and she whispered, "So, just this once?"

A grunt of approval left his lips, before they connected with her throat, dragging hot, open-mouthed kisses up her neck.

She dropped her leg, moved with him as he spun her away from the door frame and to the wall, pressing her back flat against the hard surface. She was bound, more than she realized. While she hadn't tied her hands or legs together, the tape clung tight to her skin, pulling against it with each shift of her body, restricting her.

Rather than peeling it off her skin, he worked around it. He drank her in with his eyes, from head to toe as she stood, her arms slung over his shoulders, admiring his form in return.

His hands slid across her stomach, and she shivered, her stomach muscles tightening, as he hit a sensitive spot at the curve of her waist. With skilled fingers he loosened the tape around her waist, clutched at the ends and with deft movements tied a bow.

He grinned at his handiwork, much too proud of himself. On the tips of her toes, she pressed herself to him, rubbing her flesh against his in the most intimate of places.

"Make love to me, Castle."

He tugged her gently away from the wall, his fingers pulling the tape from her as he walked backwards towards the bed. He worked to release her from each strip, unwinding it around her body he dropped each piece to the floor as it came free from her.

His lips grazed her skin while he worked, and between heated kisses he said, "No tape."

"No cuffs."

"Just you."

"And me."

* * *

_End. For real this time._

_I struggled to keep Beckett in character, and in all honesty I think she's all talk when it comes to the kink. I kept this story on the tame side of kink, and STILL struggled with the characterisations. I wrote myself into a corner with the fetish tape, and sat on this fic for MONTHS, having given up on trying to make it work. The wonderful fic-saving Brookemopolitan talked me down off the ledge and gave me the one idea that saved this chapter and stopped it from being trashed.  
_

_But now, this fic and I are done. There's really nowhere else for it to go, and I've run out of lyrics ;)  
_


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